Just Think Publix.

Our monthly incentive for school is long overdue. As a matter of fact, it's 4 months overdue. We were supposed to go to our Chuck-E-Cheese trip and then I was put on bed rest. The boys have been very patient. I figured I might as well load up all the offspring and head to Athens to play. We took our buy 40 tokens get 40 free coupon (we only spent $10 total) and our surplus tickets from the last couple trips and hit the road... in the morning, of course, so there would be no one there.

As we got closer, Asa and Addison became so excited they couldn't stand it. When we waited to turn into the shopping center, they could see the sign. Addison couldn't take it anymore. He kept saying he was "just to excited!". Asa explained to him that he should just "think about the grocery store. That always works." As it turned out, Publix was in the same shopping center, so Asa pointed out that Addison needed to keep his eyes on Publix! Thanks to Asa's wonderful coaching, Addison indeed made it to Chuck-E-Cheese without exploding from the excitement.

The trip was a success. Olive stayed asleep the entire time. Ivey ran around and clapped her hands and was fascinated by all the machines and the big huge singing mouse. No fear. Asa and Addison spent an hour and a half figuring out which machines yielded the most tickets for their tokens. They added them to their previous total and saved most of them for next time. Add in some Happy Meals on the way home and it was a pretty good trip.

Speech 101

After the dust from the bedrest and childbirth and swine flu settled, I began to realize that my sweet little Ivey is now almost 18 months old, and still not saying much of anything. She's a super quiet baby and always has been. She never really babbled much and never repeated bababab, mamamam, dadadada sounds back to us, ever. She does say "sit" and "hot" on a daily basis. "Cat" and "rock" are used occasionally. No "mama" or "dada" at all. Even the words that she does say she will not say on cue or repeat.

Her forte is non-verbal communication. She likes to sign, point, and nod or shake her head. She can get along very very well this way. She knows more signs than the boys did... more, help, milk, baby, eat, tired, and recently learned cold, play, juice, color (crayons), and probably more that I can't think of off the top of my head. In order to prevent herself from having to use words, she started to make up her own signs and gestures. This is what made me realize that it was time for speech therapy. I already knew I needed to take Addison for some articulation issues (s's and r's), so I scheduled them for evaluations.

Sure enough, it was determined that Ivey definitely needed speech therapy, and Addison needed help with s's and r's. After our evaluation, we went ahead and scheduled sessions for Mondays, although I am trying to find out if there is a more affordable option. We have had one session so far, last Monday. The therapist used Cheerios to help Addison focus his tongue in the right place for his S's (which so far has worked really well at home... He cannot say S without the Cheerio, but with it he has it down pat!). In Ivey's session, she didn't make a single peep the whole time.

The therapist wants to use PEC Cards (Picture Exchange Cards) to help her learn. She had four cards, one with a picture of music notes and a person singing, one with a book, one with a Cheerio and... I forget what the other one was... not important. In order to get a Cheerio, or look at the book, etc, Ivey had to give the therapist the appropriate card. Just teaching that concept was hard and frustrating for Ivey. We worked on the Cheerio card, trying to get Ivey to say "O" and have the therapist a card to get a Cheerio. She eventually did learn that she needed to get the card and hand it to her, but never said "O". Just teaching her that she needed to do that much was hard work! Next week, we will have some cards to come home with us.

On Tuesday, I decided to get out some Cheerios and do a little experiment. During school, while Ivey, Asa and Addison were all sitting at the table, I asked Asa to say "O" and I would give him a Cheerio. Then, Addison did it. We then looked at Ivey... nothing. Next, I had Asa sign "more" and say "O". Ivey watched carefully as I gave him a Cheerio. Addison repeated the signing and saying. Then, it was Ivey's turn. She smiled, and I passed her over. We repeated this about 4 or 5 times before Ivey opened her mouth and shaped it just as you would to say "O", but did not make a sound. I clapped and gave her an "O". The next time around, she let her vocal cords do some work and came out with a perfect "O"! We all went crazy with applause, and we went around the table a few more times, each kid signing "more" and saying "O". It was a huge breakthrough!

That was Tuesday. Since then, I have somehow managed to work intensely with her on her speech... while homeschooling and taking care of a very demanding (very LOUD) newborn. In the last 4 days, Ivey has become much more direct when she says "hot" or "sit". For instance, in her bath tonight she signed "more" and said "hot", while scooting back away from the faucet. She wanted more hot water... and sure enough, her water was too cool. She also told me to "sit" with her and watch her movie today. She had never used "sit" to tell someone else what to do before. When going to bed, she has said "rock" before when she wants to rock in her chair, but now she seems to say it much more confidently, and say it when I ask her. I think we are getting the hang of it! I am making a point of rocking her when she asks, even if I get her back out of her bed. Tonight, she pushed it a bit too long, but I just explained that I can't rock any more and talked to her about it to reinforce that she is communicating that she wants to rock.

Yesterday at school, I was discussing abbreviations in addresses. I was explaining to the boys about the different abbreviations in our address, their Grandmomma and Granddaddy's, and Mim and Papa's. All of the sudden, Ivey started saying "Papa!!" over and over again. We called him on the phone so she could talk to him. Since then, we can't even say Mim's name without Ivey going into a "Papa" fit! The boys and I also got her to say "night night" before nap today, and Asa shared his crackers with her only after getting her to say "cracker".

Ivey is much more comfortable trying to say the first sound of a word than trying to bite off the whole word at once. Last night, I was singing to her in her room. When I stopped, she signed "more". I tried to get her to say the word 'sing'. She wouldn't try to say the word, but when I just made the 's' sound, she repeated it. Now, she specifically asks me to sing by making the 's' sound. I am trying to say the full word every time she does so that it will eventually click for her to finish the word. I assume that is how it will work, but I'm not the expert! She did the same thing tonight by saying "ba" for bath and "wa" for water. I was even able to get her to say the "f" sound (or something close to it) to get more fries at lunch. In the bath tonight, I was able to get her to repeat many letter sounds back to me... including "ah" which I paired with "oh" and then we slowly put them together to say a-oh! She was clapping for herself after the sound... She is getting so much more self confident!

Addison also learned a trick with Cheerios. The therapist showed him how to hold a Cheerio behind his bottom front teeth with his tongue. Then, she can close his teeth and make the "s" sound without his tongue pushing through. He has practiced a lot this week and can make the sound with the Cheerio trick easily now. Without the Cheerio, he is still lost. I am sure she will be able to transition him, though. I was floored that he was able to make that sound at all... hooray for Cheerios!

Spring!

I know we will be hit by another cold spell, and I am sure we continue to be drowning in rain at least 5 days out of each week... but we enjoyed the spring weather that we had today! It was gorgeous. It took a little force to get Addison to stop asking to play Nintendo, and for Asa to stop asking to watch t.v., but once everyone was outside we soaked up the sunshine and had a great day. This was really Ivey's first time to be free in the yard, as last year we had a major problem with fire ants and she couldn't walk around out there without falling victim to multiple ant hills. She loved every bit of it.

Jeff worked on putting in posts for a gate to get to the backyard from the driveway. This involved digging... so it involved dirt... and Ivey played and played in it! She clenched it in her fingers. She dug it out of the post holes. She raked it all toward herself, burying her feet. My little girl isn't afraid to get good and dirty!

Asa got out his bike, which is now a bit too small for him, and worked very hard trying to ride it in the backyard. He started up at the house and coasted a bit down the small hill. He started trying to pedal and then... it clicked! He practiced in the backyard for a while and then we all went across the street to the park, where he rode on the track. He made it 1/4 of the way around! We are all very very proud!

Addison took his scooter, which he has gotten really good at riding. He takes off down the hill and goes much faster than I would want to on it! When we have another pretty day I will help him practice with his bike in the same spot in the backyard that Asa used. Come on spring... We need more days like today!

Busy, Busy

I've been back into the swing of things. It rained all last week, which was the pits. I am so tired of this rain! This week is supposed to be better, so we are trying to arrange a much-needed play date with some friends. A couple night ago, Jeff and I took our family of six out for dinner in Monroe. It went shockingly well. Everyone was very good, although Ivey did freak out when the woman there as the "live music" started into her Pasty Cline. Honestly, we all wanted to scream about it... Ivey just lacked the inhibitions. As the meal went on, Ivey got used to her and even clapped a few times. Olive slept through it all and the boys spent their time silently kicking each other under the table. Hey, at least they were quiet about it.

We started back to school last Wednesday. Since Olive pretty much sleeps most of the time, it has worked fairly well. As she starts to be more alert for longer periods of time it will get more and more tricky. Today, Ivey sat with us and worked at the table for two straight hours. I think she is going to take to preschool very well when the day comes!

Ivey is still very protective and possessive of her little sister. At the restaurant the other night, Ivey pointed Olive out to the server and the singer who came by our table a couple times. When someone else's baby let out a cry, Ivey's ears perked up and she had to make sure it wasn't our baby that needed attention. She is such a little momma. The boys also can't keep their hands off of her. They are patting and rubbing her head constantly. The other night, I was upstairs playing with Ivey while Olive slept in Ivey's crib. Ivey and I were out in the foyer. Well, Addison was very concerned with the fact that I left Olive unattended! He told me that he didn't like it when I left Olive in the room by herself and didn't think it was safe. I assured him that Olive was perfectly safe in the crib. Such a little protector. I used to think that having a new baby would help overwhelm the system so that no one can be spoiled, but I wasn't counting on the fact that even Ivey would spoil the new little sister. Ivey, the little mute child that she is, will pat Olive and then pat my chest while making a sucky face to tell me to feed her... or pat Olive and then make her sign for "tired" to tell me that Olive is sleepy. That little girl is well taken care of!

Speaking of my little mute child, I have called to see about getting her some speech therapy. She has very little interest in using words, and is perfectly comfortable using signs and non-verbal communication instead. Jeff and I will try to get her to use the word for "juice" before she can have juice, or "please" to get something she wants. She will resist and then finally decide that she'd just rather not have it at all! I am not too worried about her in the longterm, but she does need to start using some words other than "hot", "cat", "sit" and "eat". She has said "flower", "cup" and even a very close version of "elephant", but she has only done those once and then will not repeat them! To hear "momma" or "daddy" is a very rare treat, indeed... and one that she will not repeat no matter how much you ask. I know what is going to happen... We will want her to talk now and then want her to STOP talking later on!

10 Days Old

I took some pictures of Olive today... as has now been here long enough to necessitate two whole digits. She is doing what she should be doing: eating, looking around for a while, pooping a bunch, then going right back to sleep for 2-3 hours when it all starts over again. She has been having a rough time, tummy-wise, since I've been on Tamiflu. But, in the battlefield that is my family, the benefits of the Tamiflu outweigh the risk of the painful poo. I feel bad for her, but I know some tummy pain is far better than the alternative. Only six more days left of my prescription, then she can poo like mustard instead of Play-dough once again.

I don't know if she was just tired, or if she just hates baths. Her umbilical stump fell off today, so I gave her her first real bath. She screamed the whole time, sounding a lot like a crazed cat. Her cry sounds a lot like Asa's... angry instead of sad. Addison's and Ivey's cries were more pitiful sounding. Asa's sounded more like he was screaming AT you for causing whatever it was (or wasn't) wrong.

Counting Down.

I am getting the kids back in the morning. If something happens and things fall through, I will crawl there on my hands and knees if I have to. I wanted to get Ivey yesterday, I wanted to get them today, and tomorrow is it. No more. It will be a long time before any of these kids head out on any trip without me, that's for sure. Four kids or not, they aren't going anywhere.

After the madness of last week destroyed it, I have re-cleaned my house. I have washed and put away every stitch of laundry. I cleaned out the aquarium today. I cleaned out the fridge. There is not a whole lot else I can do to keep my mind off of the fact that my kids should be here with me. One tiny newborn is far too easy to keep my mind occupied. I guess I need to get up and invent something. Maybe the Tupperware cabinet needs organizing. Heck, maybe I should bathe.

Still waiting...

It looks like I won't be getting anyone back today. Ivey and Addison are well enough, but I need to line up help to lift Ivey, etc before they come home. So, I am trying to find help... from someone who has not been exposed to the flu. My house is supposedly germ-free. It should be considering how much Lysol I have sprayed. It has also been over 48 hours since anyone sick has been here. It should be okay.

A long time from now, if you kids ever read all this stuff, just remember that the week that Olive was born, when I couldn't come out of my room and we couldn't celebrate my birthday, and you went out of town again... I missed you terribly! When you grow up and have kids of your own, you will know how much!

Bad Dreams and Insecurities

I just woke up from a horrible dream! I dreamed I was at my friends' church, the church where I went to preschool. My mom and Roland. were there and we were sitting in a big auditorium waiting for some kind of Vacation Bible School program maybe? Anyways, I went to the bathroom and I heard Ivey crying in the nursery across the hall. I was supposed to get her back from her flu evacuation after the service. I went in to get her early. She looked so big sitting on the floor with two pigtails, crying. She wouldn't come to me. She wouldn't come to me to the point that they didn't believe I was her mother and wouldn't let me have her. I had to go get my mom to go in and get her, instead.

I hope I can get her back tomorrow. I hope I can get the boys back soon. I can't take much more of this... In the past 5 weeks, I have been away from them more than I have been with them. I believe they have been away from me for something like 3 1/2 weeks. Maybe some people can handle that... I, obviously, cannot.

A New Day, A New Case of the Flu

At 4:00 this morning, my poor little Asa came down the stairs, crying. I heard him coming and knew what was going on, so I opened the door long before he came near. He would have busted open my door and come right in here for sure. I sent him to Jeff, who dosed him up with Motrin. It was decided that Linda would take all three kids to her house, so they left early, picking up Asa's Tamiflu on the way. The good news is that both Addison and Asa started Tamiflu early enough for it to be helpful. Maybe it won't last very long for them. I certainly hope that's the case.

I have to wait 48 hours for the virus to die off in the house. Then, I need to disinfect EVERYTHING. My friend, Leila, went to the store for me and bought new toothbrushes for everyone who is well. I have a full can of disinfectant spray and tons of clorox wipes. If I am the one who will be sanitizing the house, I will wear gloves. Heck, I'd wear a Hazmat suit if I had one. I cannot let Olive get this... it is not anything to play around with!

I talked to Mom this morning and she is incredibly sick. There is no way anyone can take care of kids in the worst part of this flu. Hopefully, when Linda does start coming down with it, Randy will be there to help take care of them all. Ivey seems to be basically over it. If she does not have a fever all day today then she will have been fever-free for 24 hours. I am hoping to be able to get Jeff to go pick her up on Sunday and bring her home... stripping her from her contaminated clothes and giving her a good bath before letting her loose in the then contagion-free house.

It will be hard to keep the boys while sick, but it would be impossible to keep Ivey, too. Then, once the boys start getting well, we can shuffle them back home... by someone who is over it completely and no longer contagious. I'm betting Jeff would just go get them, too... unless by then Mom is completely over it and fever-free for a while. Again, they will be coming from a germy home with assumed-to-be-future-sick people... so everything they come home with will have to sit untouched for a long time and then washed very well. This is crazy. Seriously crazy. If I am able to emerge in a couple days I am going to have to get my sore post-partum butt out of this room and clean, clean, clean.

My New Life

Well, it seems that I have found something more isolating than bedrest... bedrest where no one can even come and talk to you or sleep beside you. It has been 4 days since I brought Olive home from the hospital, and 4 days since I've seen Addison or Ivey (Asa sticks his head in a lot... even if he's told not to). My heart aches big time. I can hear them out there... and I wish Ivey could know that I am here or understand that I won't keep leaving and then coming back only to leave again. She is doing fine, but I don't like that I have been an inconsistent and sporadic part of her life for over a month now. I know in the long term she and I will both get over it, but it breaks my heart in that same feeling that you think you won't feel again in your whole life once you marry the man you love... but you don't realize that even if your marriage is picture perfect, life happens and parenthood, well, can break your heart at times.

Olive is doing great. She wakes up and is alert for a while, gets a diaper change (which she hates), eats, and goes to sleep... everything she's supposed to do. Ivey seems to be doing much better today. She hasn't had Motrin since 10am and was happy as a clam tonight. Hopefully she is on the mend! Addison is going on his second day. He's still pretty rough. Like Jeff, he has a bad cough. Both Jeff and Addison are on antibiotics though, which makes me feel much better. Asa still does not have it. Mom feels completely horrible. She's at home and the flu is at its worst. I feel so bad about exposing her to all of this, not that we knew at the time what was going on.... but I feel horrible. Linda is here with us now and I know her day is coming. My guess is Saturday. I hope not, but I will be shocked if she can make it through without getting it.

I think everyone is contagious until 24 hours after their fever ends, and then the surfaces can still carry active viruses for 48 hours. I am wondering when this will be... and how concrete those numbers are. I do not want to go through all of this only to get Olive sick in the end. I will be so nervous to let them near her for a while. When we can all snuggle and be close, I may barricade ourselves in the house, including Jeff who has to go back to work on Monday and totally missed out on his baby the whole week, and curl up and be together. Needless to say, I do not want the kids to go for any visits without me for a very long time. The boys understand, but I want Ivey to know that I am not going anywhere... and that I am her Mommy.

Today, I needed a thermometer for Olive, so I called a friend who came and delivered it through my bedroom window. Seeing her made such an impact on my mood that I think I will be doing more of this. Another friend brought me some books to read tonight... through my window. I was able to hold Olive up for them both to see... which felt so good since no one has seen my beautiful little girl. Hal and Jen were able to come to the hospital, and Jeff held her on Friday in the hospital... Mom, Randy and Linda held her in the hospital... and the kids saw her on Sunday when we came home (before I knew they all had the plague)... but beyond that, it's just me. My drive-through-window-delivery-service cheered me up and helped me make it another day!

Another thing that helped me today was that I had Addison open up Instant Messenger on the computer out there, so that they could write to me. I thoroughly enjoyed "talking" to them. Here are some excerpts:

Holly: Addison?
Addison & Asa: wot
Holly: are you ok?
Addison & Asa: yes
Holly: are you still sick?
Addison & Asa: i downt no
Holly: i love you
Addison & Asa: i love you to
Addison & Asa: are you stel thair
Holly: yes
Addison & Asa: ok
Addison & Asa: :-)
Holly: LOL
Addison & Asa: i saw that
Holly: please write me all the time!
Holly: it makes me happy
Addison & Asa: ok if it makse you happy
Holly: :-)

Addison & Asa: how are you feeling
Holly: i am ok. just miss you
Holly: and asa and ivey and daddy
Addison & Asa: i miss you to
Holly: i am sorry that you are sick!
Holly: the medicine tastes bad but it will help you a lot
Addison & Asa: i no
Holly: is daddy still sleeping?
Addison & Asa: yes
Addison & Asa: can i tel you smsing
Holly: yes
Addison & Asa: how is oliv
Holly: super!
Holly: she misses you, too!
Addison & Asa: grate :-)
Holly: (PICTURE)
Addison & Asa: aaaaw
Holly: :)
Addison & Asa: ilove her to
Holly: she knows!

Holly: i will leave my computer on so you can do this any time. ok?
Addison & Asa: grate:-):-):-)
Addison & Asa: thacs
Addison & Asa: are you stil thaer
Holly: yes
Addison & Asa: did you see that i put grate :-):-):-)
Holly: I did. and I like all the smiley faces

Holly: you can talk to me later if you want to
Addison & Asa: wynot now it macs you happy
Holly: you are sweet (l)
Addison & Asa: aaaw(l)
Addison & Asa: is eneebodeehome
Holly: I am here!
Holly: what is Ivey doing?
Addison & Asa: she is triing to git into drowse
Holly: that sounds like Ivey!
Addison & Asa: i no but i stil love her

How could this NOT cheer me up!

At dinner time, I got this message...
Addison & Asa: why u wany on burger?
Holly: ketchup, mustard, pickle, lettuce if you have it

I thought that was so cute... I told Hal and Jen how cute it was... I told Jeff how cute it was and then, I learned that that line was actually written by Jeff himself. "Was my spelling that off?" Hrmm... off enough for me to swear it was written by a six year old!

This Little Piggy....

Thanks to a wonderful friend of a friend who is a medical professional, we were encouraged to go get tested for the flu. It seems that the symptoms going on in our house were typical h1n1 symptoms. So, Jeff loaded Addison into the car and they were to the urgent care clinic. Sure enough, they tested a big fat positive. So, now here I sit with a five day old baby on an island in a sea of the flu. I am worried about all of them... Jeff included. I just want everyone to get better and I hate it that I can't be there to get them through it! I guess Jeff and Mom and Linda are helping them through it and my job is to do so for Olive. I really hope my little peanut doesn't get sick!

As of tomorrow, everyone will be on Tamiflu, including me. I stopped taking my post-baby Motrin to make sure I'm not masking any flu symptoms. It seems that I am healing pretty well. I am realizing how much the Motrin was helping me through, though. At least being confined to a room will keep me from overdoing it. I've learned about cultures that traditionally have a new mother lie in bed for a long time after birth. I'm sure this is more healthy than the western views of having the mom get up and run to pediatrician appointments and get back into the swing of things so soon after the baby comes. Perhaps I need to lie back and pretend I'm in Malasia (40 day period of rest), Korea (21 days) or China (one month). Of course, I could also be Thai, as they avoid shampooing their hard postpartum, because they believe the mother needs to stay warm. I seem to be following that one pretty well, also.

Asa is disappointed that he couldn't celebrate my birthday today. Mim helped the boys make me a cake and cards, and they made me a great big poster to hang in my room "to keep me company". They had hoped to have a little party for me today, but everyone started going downhill! I told him that after this is all over with, we can pretend it's my birthday all over again. Heck, we should probably pretend that Olive was born all over again, too! I call a mulligan on the whole thing!

A very sick Mim left this afternoon and was replaced by a very well Grandmomma. I'm guessing she has about 3 days before she starts to come down with it. I feel so badly that those who are coming to take care of us (which is NOT an easy task even when every one is perfectly well and is completely exasperating when we're all sick) are going home with the flu!

1st Well Check

I took Olive for her first well check, which thankfully she is still well for. She is back up to 6lbs 6oz and besides a little jaundice, looks great. Even though she's still 2 1/2 weeks from being full term, she was on the growth chart at 10th percentile for both length and weight. Not too shabby! The way she is eating, she'll be caught up in no time. I wish it was warmer so that I could get her in the sun more. Maybe it will be warm enough this afternoon, when Ivey takes a nap. I can't come out of my room when Ivey is awake or she will want to be close to me and Olive. So, I hide.

I miss my kids terribly, again. Jeff feels horrible again today, which is day 4 for him. I hate it that he is missing out on Olive's first week. I know we will have plenty of time to be a family, but I miss everyone and I hate that this is happening. I feel like I'm on some kind of post-partum survivor show... putting post-partum women in solitary confinement with their new babies and putting to the test to see how much they can handle before totally breaking down. Horrible show concept.

Poor Addison woke up with a fever this morning. He looked pitiful. Ivey is miserably sick. It sound like Mom may be getting it, also. I'm sure Asa won't be far behind. It's like we're being picked off by some germ sniper. I hope Olive and I are laying low enough to avoid detection.

The saga continues. Now, Ivey is sick. She has a fever and is generally miserable, just like Daddy. So, I am trying not to think too much about the fact that Ivey has been all over Olive since we've been home. Breastfeeding will help, but I am still really nervous for our littlest girl. It also makes me very sad that Jeff has only held Olive once, and that he didn't even see her in her carseat, missed us coming home from the hospital and hasn't seen her alert and with her eyes open except for across the room. Not fair.

Olive and I slept very well last night. I finally remembered that I went through this exact same experience with Ivey. The only way I could get her to sleep through the reflux and gas was to prop her up in the crook of my arm. Olive and I slept like this last night... and we slept like rocks. She woke up at 2am and 5am, 8am and then we both went back to sleep until 11. Not too shabby. We both needed it desperately.

I hate that I have to stay away from Ivey now. It has been a really weird month, and she has been such a trooper. They all have. I just wanted to curl up with my family and be home once and for all... looks like that is on hold for a while. Instead, Olive and I have barracaded ourselves in my bedroom, sending text messages to Mom in the kitchen when we need something. I can tell that I over did it yesterday so I am trying to do better today.

Welcome Home, Olive... Believe it or not, this is your life!

Last night was a rough one. Olive started refluxing pretty badly. She also had gas which hurt her little tummy. The combo meant that neither of us slept more than 3 hours the whole night. Not good, especially since I only slept 2 hours Thursday night. I am having the same problem that I had with Ivey... I am producing way more milk that Olive needs. I'm only nursing her off of one side per feeding, but even on that one side, I have way more than she could ever eat. This means that when she nurses, she isn't getting past the low-cal thin fore-milk and getting to the thick heavy hind-milk that she needs. Same problem, different baby. What can I say, I can make some milk.

These fore-milk only feedings leave her tummy all frothy and acidic. I can't pump to get to the hind-milk, because that would only tell my body to keep making way more milk than I need. So, like with Ivey, we have to ride it out until my body gets the clue that it doesn't need to make enough milk for the entire mother/baby unit. Until then, we are using gas drops and I'm propping the end of her bed up to try to help her get through.

Jeff stayed with the kids last night and today, while Mom spent the night with Olive and me at the hospital. Jeff wasn't feeling too well last night. I figured he was just exhausted from Thursday night's baby birthing adventure. Not the case. This morning, he developed a fever. By the time they discharged me, he was feeling really crummy. He got to experience something that most men do not... being sick as a dog and having to take care of kids anyway. Moms everywhere know this part of the job well, and it stinks.

As Mom drove Olive and me home, Jeff called to tell me that Addison had clogged up the upstairs toilet. Then, with poo-water to the brim of the toilet, proceeded to flush again, which caused the poop-water-waterfall to spill out all over the floor, seeping through the cracks and dripping through the tin ceiling tiles of the downstairs foyer. Oh, and Jeff's fever was now up to 101. He said that he was able to steer clear of the boys, but Ivey was all over him and had been since last night. Great.

I wanted to quarentine Jeff to the boys' room, but he is in the living room instead. I am not going anywhere near him... and I hope to be able to keep the kids away. I seriously cannot get sick. The kids cannot get sick. Olive CANNOT get sick. Not cool. Mom helped me disinfect surfaces and cover the house in Lysol spray. What perfect timing.

Now, Jeff is no help. Mom was going to be here the first part of the week with the six of us. Jeff and Mom together could take care of the kids and help me out until I heal. Now, instead of having him to help, he's a pile of scary germs. Ivey was very happy to see me and spent the first hour sitting in my lap while she watched a movie. I asked if Olive could watch the movie with us and by not screaming, she agreed that it was a great idea. She didn't want me to leave her side, and I don't blame her in the least. It's been one heck of a month.

Ivey's reaction to Olive's homecoming was better than I could have imagined. I sat on the bed, holding Olive, while Ivey examined her little ears and nose and hands. She reached out and stroked Olive's hair. She was extremely gentle and very sweet. Then, she reached behind her and grabbed her favorite blanket, Ladybug Blanket. She took her prized possession and gently piled it on top of her new baby sister. When it would fall off, she would gently place it back on top. I am so proud of my big girl and her very big heart. When Ivey came home from the hospital, and was lying in a bed in the same very room, Asa ran and found his "yellow blanket" and placed it on top of his new sister. There's a lot of love in our big, big family!

Mom took the kids out to eat in order to get them out of the house. With Jeff out of commission and me needing to feed Olive, a car to unpack, a kitchen counter full of dishes and four hungry kids, it was a little out of control. Mom took Asa, Addison and Ivey out for dinner while I retreated to my bedroom, to sob for a while over how unpleasant it was to have a sick husband and a house that was covered with an invisible layer of dried poo water. While I was hiding in my room feeding Olive, I overheard talk in the next room. My van wouldn't start. It turns out, the battery was completely shot. Good grief. Surely, things will calm down to a more normal level of insane. I am trying very hard not to panic about getting sick.

Jeff took the battery to Auto Zone and Olive and I stayed home alone. When Mom came home with the kids, I had all four of them on my bed for the first time. Wow. That's a lot of kids. Ivey was in a wild mood, so it was a bit nerve wracking to keep her from clobbering Olive, or from flying off the bed onto her noggin. She was sweet to her sister, but she was just in one of those crazy moods. Mom took Olive from me and the strangest thing happened. We had expected Ivey to be jealous of Olive when I held her. Well, we never expected Ivey to get upset when someone took Olive FROM me! Ivey pitched a fit when Mom took her baby sister away, and continued to do so until she was returned to her mommy's arms. As soon as mom gave her back to me, Ivey was content. She didn't want anyone taking our baby away!

Asa and Addison took turns holding their new bundle. They are both in awe over her, and over the sheer fact that this baby was inside of me a few days ago and now is outside. They have good reason to be amazed. It is completely miraculous. Each and every one of them are completely miraculous. Now, to keep all of these miraculous little beings slathered in Purell and away from their daddy!

Olive's Story

At 3:00am, the nurses started me on a low dose of Pitocin to get my contractions going. We had the choice of just breaking my water, but that seemed a little fast and furious to me so I opted to get things going with Pitocin first. I figured we could break my water if it didn't break on its own, or if things wouldn't get going by the afternoon, we could break it then. Honestly, I was hoping that we wouldn't have to for a long time, since the cushiony water was helping the contractions to be very manageable.

From 3am until 7am, they kept increasing my dosage of Pitocin. My contractions were pretty consistently 2 minutes apart, but after a while they would space out and the Pitocin would be increased. The strength of the contractions increased as well, but they were very tolerable. At 7am I was still 7cm. I walked the halls, and my contractions got pretty strong. Throughout the morning, my pitocin was increased by small amounts until I was at 18ml/hr.

The question as to why I was able to walk around at 7cm dilated (I carried my bags into L&D this morning, and no doubt could have gone on my merry way instead of going to the hospital right then) were answered by my cervix. Usually, the cervix moves from a posterior position to an anterior position as it thins and opens. Mine did not. It stayed posterior all the way up to 7cm. Olive's head was anterior, pushing down on the part of the uterus in front of the cervix. As I contracted, Olive's head didn't push down on the cervix. If it had, I would have dilated quickly and went into active labor. Instead, I continued this slow progression, with a baby held in by a small area of tissue. We knew that as soon as that cervix moved to an anterior position, the game would be on.

The nurse was in the room with me through some contractions, and kept reporting back to the midwife that they were still tolerable. Obviously, I wasn't getting close yet. However, she came back into the room, talked to me through one contraction and then when the next one came it was completely different. It instantly went from manageable to intolerable... I was in transition for sure.

Thankfully, Toni (my midwife) felt that there was no reason to check me. She and her student midwife sat in the room with me and the two helped me through each contraction. Julie (the midwife in training), pushed on my low back during each contraction, which did an amazing job of taking the edge off during the first 20 minutes or so of transition. The intensity increased, and I moved from sitting on the birthing ball (where Julie was pushing on my back) to the bed. I meant to turn around backwards and hang over the back of the bed, but I only made it to a sitting position. I was having all of the typical transition reactions. The pain was so bad, I kept saying that I couldn't do it... and I was feeling very panicky. I second guessed my decision to avoid the epidural... I was in so much pain I was sure I wouldn't be able to do it. It's funny, I know all of these things mean that everything is progressing... I know all of my reactions were completely typical and I know that transition is the shortest stage of labor... but when you are in it, you cannot see past the fact that the pain is more than you can bear.

After about 45 minutes of transition, I started feeling the urge to push. Julie checked me and I was 9.5cm. I could push whenever I felt ready. Over the next couple contractions, the urge became strong. At noon, I started out pushing on my side. As Olive moved, she hit my sciatic nerve, which I have problems with anyways. The pain was so excruciating that instead of resting in between pushes, I was crying out about my legs, hips and low back. The back pain was so much worse than the contractions and pushing that it felt as if the "rest" was the pushing itself. After a while on my side, I moved to my back. I could feel her moving down... but she was still on my nerve the entire time. I was one of those women that you can hear screaming down the halls. It was the most intense things I have ever gone through in my life.

After pushing for an hour and thirteen minutes (and busting about a billion capillaries in my face in the process), she was ready to be born, still safe and secure inside her sac of fluid. Once her head was being delivered, Toni popped the sac. Actually, there was no "popping" the sac. Instead, it took two different tries with different instruments. They said it was tougher than a ziploc bag! The sac was broken a minute or less before her full birth. It felt like she came out as the water did. I think the fact that she was able to go through childbirth in her amniotic sac, called "baby in caul", is awesome. Most cultures celebrate babies born this was and revere them as special, destined for greatness, and good luck. Olive is what they call a "caulbearer". It occurs in less than 1 in 1000 births.

Olive was lifted up and started crying a loud, healthy cry. They put her squirmy wet little body immediately onto my chest, where she stayed for the next few minutes. I was not rushed and was able to talk to her and calm her cries, umbilical cord still attached. As rough as it was and as immensely painful as it was, I am very thankful for such a natural experience. Would I do it again? Probably not! But, I am thankful and proud that I did. The nurses cleaned Olive a bit in the room and weighed her at 6lbs 7oz. As they took her from me, she let out a loud cry. I told Toni that she was cursing that amnio and its results! She was definitely no preemie!

After I was all stitched up (I tore a little bit, but not too badly. I will not go into the stitching, but the fact that I had no epidural meant that this was much more of a big deal than I imagined. I had teeth marks in my arms for over 24 hours after having this done, from where I bit myself to get through the pain.), Olive came back to me and nursed. I didn't expect anything, but she knew what to do. Much to my surprise, Olive did not have to wait any time at all for my milk to come in. Because I just weaned Ivey four months prior, I was already primed and ready to go. Olive needs to thank her sister for being able to have as much as she wanted right from the start!

Asa, Addison and Ivey came to meet their new sister a few hours later. The boys were amazed, Asa was particularly enamored, and Ivey was fascinated over the tiny creature. Asa held her for a while and Ivey touched her very gently with a big smile on her face. Of course, after a few minutes Ivey decided hiding in the closet and playing peek-a-boo behind the curtain was much more fun!

Due to my great milk supply (thanks again, Ivey!), Olive has been able to nurse very well from the start. She is able to fill up her tummy to the point that she can sleep contently. Last night, our first night together, I had to actually wake her up after 4 hours and then after 5 hours. I enjoyed the unexpected sleep! I am not expecting that to be the norm, but I will take it when I can get it. I love the fact that Olive nurses well and has a great alert-eat-sleep-repeat pattern.

Olive looks like Addison did when he was a baby. They both have Jeff's mouth and a very round head, and the same nose. The resemblance is so strong, that everyone has been talking about it a lot. We didn't realize until today how this is bothering Asa. He seemed down in the dumps since last night. Jeff went home and picked up Asa and Addison to take them to a movie and was able to get to the bottom of his glum mood. I think with a little TLC and a whole lot of Asa, Olive, mommy time together, he will feel a lot better. When they came to visit me today, Asa couldn't keep his hands off of her sleeping little body. He lifted up her hands and moved her hat to stroke her hair... he is such a sweetie when it comes to itty bitty babies. Addison isn't as interested in the tiny babies, but shines with older babies. Ivey will need Mr. Addison's unwavering affection, and Olive will need her big brother Asa's protective and nurturing nature.

Today, I rest with my new bundle. Tomorrow, we go home. I'd better rest up all I can. Tomorrow, I get a glimpse into my new life as a mommy of four!

Olive Amelia

Olive Amelia was born on February 26 at 1:13pm

6lbs 7oz and 19 inches long

She is perfectly healthy and looks very much like Addison! So far, she is eating extremely well and sleeping like a log. I'll write the details of yesterday's adventure when I get rested up!

Aaaaaand Action!

Okay, so my threats of holding off going to the hospital until we could see hair color was a bit exaggerated. As it turns out, I had another night of crampy contractions... the exact same feeling that I had Monday night... and all the other nights that led to dilation. Now that I knew I was 6cm, the thought of getting up in the morning at 7+ cm just sounded too scary... so in I went.

We were here at the hospital at 2:30 this morning. Sure enough, I was 7cm. As it turns out, my cervix is still very posterior, which is not typical. Usually, it starts out back there, but then moves forward. Well, Olive's big ol' head is pushing down in front of the cervix, not really on it, making things... weird.

Needless to say, I can't go home, but fortunately it was decided that I cannot continue on like this. I am now sitting here in the bed listening to the windshield-wiper-sound of Olive's heartbeat, with an IV of pitocin... Jeff is sleeping on the couch/bed. I am contracting every 2 minutes now, but since my water is still in tact, they are currently very tolerable. They look big on the screen, but my amniotic shock absorber is working quite well. I am under no delusion that this will continue to be the case. Soon, I know things will be quite different.

Frustrated Beyond Belief.

I am at home. The last 48 hours have been ridiculous and frustrating. It seems I am trapped in a situation that is abnormal, and with a medical community trapped by legal restrictions and fear from malpractice lawsuits.

Even though I was 6cm dilated, I had not had any contractions all night. Hence, I could not be considered in "active labor", so they could not help me progress. After much stress, I decided to agree to the amnio that they wanted to do. The amnio would tell them if Olive's lungs were mature enough to induce me. Anything over a 55 means the lungs are ready. Anything under 40 means they are immature. 40-54 is a "grey area". I told them that is exactly where I would fall, and I did. It came back 51. I laid there and let them stick a needle through my abdomen and into my uterus and suck up my baby's amniotic fluid for them to tell me it wasn't quite the number they needed to do anything to help me.

I am frustrated, Jeff is frustrated, the nurses and midwives and doctors are frustrated. Their hands are tied even though they want to help... and yet, I left the hospital yesterday at 6cm dilated. I made it very clear that they would not be checking my cervix before I left, that I would not be coming in if I'm just having contractions, and that I am not going to the doctor's office this week, or even early next week, because there is no point and because any of those things would just give them a reason to stick me in the hospital without being able to help me... again. I am not going back in until either a) my water breaks or b) I am in so much pain that I cannot stand it and Jeff has to carry me to the car. The fear of delivering a baby in the car or in my bed has been replaced with the fear of being trapped in a hospital where no one will help me. I would be better off with Jeff, some towels, a couple pieces of dental floss and a nasal aspirator.

Oh, and they said they cannot break my water or help me along, unless I am in "active labor", unless I am 39 weeks or further. If they have to see cervical changes while I am in the hospital, then they will probably be out of luck. If I go in next week and let them check me (which I won't), and I'm 7cm... and they freak out and send me to the hospital, then I would have to sit there until either they saw me further dilate or they give up and just send me back home after another couple days of crappy food and nurses waking me up to take my blood pressure all night long. No, until Olive's head is coming out of my body, I'm staying right where I am.

Square Peg,

Yet again, I find myself a square peg in a whole doctor's office full of round holes.

After my night of contractions, I arranged for someone to watch the kiddos while I drove to the doctor's office. I waddled all the way across the parking lot, looking a lot like Yosemite Sam. The midwife checked me and, lo and behold, I was a whopping 6cm dilated. Who in the heck drives to the doctor (via Chick-Fil-A), limps it from the car to the door on their own at a 6? No one. Absolutely no one. But me.

If it were next week, or even Saturday, they would simply break my water and we'd be in business. But, because I'm 36 weeks 3 days, it's more complicated. The doctor called a maternal fetal specialist to see what they thought about breaking my water. They said they wouldn't without me being in active labor. So, I was sent to the hospital to hope for active labor.

And, here I sit. I have walked the halls, climbed 3 flights of stairs, did some squats... I'm not quite sure how I can NOT be in active labor. As of this moment, I am having contractions. They may be able to break my water if I show some cervical change. I am so frustrated. I understand where the hospital is coming from... but my situation is completely crappy! They said if labor can't start on its own, then they said they want to do an amnio in the morning to check and see if her lungs are mature before breaking my water. I don't want an amnio. I don't want to stay here. I want to either un-dilate and go HOME or dilate and have my baby girl!

So, I guess I need to get up and go walk the halls once more...

Up All Night

It's 3am and I haven't slept a wink because I am contracting up a storm. My feet started swelling a couple days ago... to the point that I no longer can see ankle bones. The feet pain made it hard to sleep, so I was already awake when the contractions began at about midnight. At first, they were about 5 minutes apart and now they are 3 minutes apart. They may be bad enough that I cannot sleep through them, but not exactly bad enough to rush to the hospital about. I called the midwife and we figured that if I could talk through them maybe I should just keep trying to get some rest and come into the office in the morning. Of course, if I feel like I need to go in, I can. I don't want to call for backup with the kids and make the trek to Athens for nothing... so I am up, getting something to eat, and then I'll see if I can't get a little bit of sleep. It's not like I'll be able to catch up tomorrow...

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' babies!

The night before last, I was up all night with contractions that were 5-7 minutes apart. I went in to the doctor's office and I was 4-5cm dilated. Because I was only 35 weeks 5 days, they can't help things along... so I am stuck in limbo. I went home, off of bedrest, to see if things would happen on their own. That was yesterday. I thought last night would be just as active as the previous one, but it wasn't. I was able to sleep all night, which was nice. But, you can only hang out at 4-5cm for so long. Things are bound to happen soon.

Today, I took the kids to the grocery store, went up and down our stairs, and basically spent the day doing whatever I wanted to do. Today is also the first day in a long time that no one has been here with us. It feels weird, but good in a way. Ivey seems to be enjoying having her mommy back (albeit a mommy with a very large cumbersome belly that gets in the way of her snuggles!)

It is a bit unnerving that this labor will probably be a very quick one. Jeff is 30-40 minutes away from me and the hospital is another 25 minutes. I'm guessing that I won't have time for him to come home and pick me up... that I will need to get someone to take me and he can just meet me there. But, you never know. With Ivey, my water broke before I was in active labor, so I had plenty of time. Of course, I was only 2cm dilated at that point!

My bags are packed and in the car, the carseat is strapped in, and the kids are excited!

Home Sweet Home

I have been home for a few days now, and it feels great. Valentine's Day was especially nice. Mom picked up my presents for the kids and Jeff and I had a nice dinner. It feels so good to be home! At first, Ivey acted all miffed at me... and acted aloof like a cat when you've been out of town. In about an hour, she climbed in my lap on the couch, looked at me right in the face, and gave me a big smooch on the lips. I think I'm forgiven.

The boys were a little upset that I came home without Olive being "on the outside". Asa said he was going to miss me when I had to go back to the hospital.. I assured them that the next trip wouldn't be a long one, that they would get to stay at home this time, that they could come and visit us, and that we would have a new cute little baby sister! They were very pleased to hear it.

I'll be on bedrest until the weekend. After that, I'm free to I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but they will no be checking me anymore... until I'm in real-deal-labor. I'm not going to the hospital until I know for sure I'm having her! Bags are packed, emergency "take me to the hospital" numbers are collected, baby is baked enough to most likely come right on home with me... so now, we wait...

Happy Valentine's Day!

For Valentine's Day, I get to go home! I had a very uneventful night last night and day so far today, so I'm going to get out the door. They aren't going to recheck me, which is great. Actually, they said they won't check me again until I'm really having the baby. So now I will go home, stay down and immobile until Friday and then I can get up and go on my merry way after that! If I could get this girl to 36 weeks, that would be fabulous!

Now, I am going to take a shower, pack my things and wait for Jeff to come and get me!

Redemption

The nurses have to go by the orders that are written (hence the fact I demanded to speak with the midwife). In fact, things are not as set in stone as a written order. It turns out, things are flexible after all. The doctor and midwives came up with a plan based on the fact that the doctors would be back in the office on Monday, as well as the weather. The roads are now fine... and I let her know that the doctor's schedule was NOT something that I factor in to my plan.

I will stay off the procardia today and tonight, see what happens tonight, and then if nothing happens I could go home tomorrow or stay if I want to see if I progress. They might check me before I leave, but if I'm not having active labor contractions, that is my call. If I'm not in active labor, I think I would rather them not check me and let me just go home until labor begins.

So... I'm off bedrest and I'm free to mosey around the hospital room (is there somewhere to mosey in here?) and there is the potential for me to go home if nothing exciting happens. I am well aware that I could go home and then be right back here... but it would be well worth a couple hours in my own house! You never know... I could go home and end up trucking along another week or so. It could happen, but I'm not trucking along another week in this bed!

Now, it's all up to Olive. Is she really ready to come now... or was she just bluffing and is perfectly comfy in there for a little while longer?

Manipulation

I am so irritated right now, I could scream. I probably should scream.

The nurse tried to bring me Procardia at 10am. Well, I explained that I was supposed to be off the Procardia today. She called the midwife and confirmed that yes, I was supposed to take the Procardia today and tonight, and then stop. Sure. Until tomorrow, when they say I should stay on it for another pill or two... and so on. That's the it works. If they didn't do this so often, I wouldn't assume it was the case. Even if that isn't their intent, I am not taking anything until I speak with the midwife myself. I would like to have two nights med-free before they "send me home" (ha). In order to get those two nights, I am not staying here until Tuesday. I might take their pill today, but not tonight. I don't care if the doctors aren't in until Monday or not.

If I don't go into labor by Monday, I know how this is going to work. They are going to check me on Monday and there will be some reason that I have to stay. Three of the last four times they checked my cervix I've been sent to the hospital. Odds are, my cervix will hold a great reason to have to keep me. Oh, magical cervix.... what is your command?? "The cervix has instructed us that we need to keep you one more day and see what happens". I can hear it now.

I MISS MY KIDS!!!! Today is their sixth day at Randy and Linda's house. They were supposed to come home last night, but a blizzard decided to come and dump 4-5" of snow. They were going to come this morning, but the roads are bad. Maybe the snow is also taking orders from my cervix in a grand plan to frustrate me to my limits.

Another Tentative Plan

Okay, we all know that plans mean nothing... just when you make one the game changes completely, but nevertheless, it feels good to have one. Delrose let me know this morning that she had spoken to the doctor and that they had a plan for me. Tomorrow, they will take me off of the Procardia. They will keep me all day Sunday to see if anything happens. On Monday, they will hopefully send me home, knowing I will be on red alert for labor signs. They will check my cervix again maybe Sunday. As long as I'm not significantly more dilated, I could still go home. I can't complain. It's a good plan. I just hope either a) I just go into labor on Sunday or b) I don't do much of anything so I can definitely go home.

I will have to make sure to have people at the house with us. I'm already dilated to 4cm... so there is potentially very little time to get me to the hospital. After my 22 hour labor marathon with Ivey, I'll believe that when I see it. But, I definitely don't want to give birth on the side of 316.

I am so glad that my little baby girl will be 35 weeks tomorrow! I want her to be able to be in the room with me, nurse and snuggle, and then go home with us so we can all be together. I didn't think I would make it to 35 weeks, so this is excellent! I think I'll be able to make it until Monday... Mom is going to bring the kids home tomorrow and then they can come and see me! It has been 6 days since I have seen them... and over two weeks since I was up and moving around and playing with them. They can keep me until Monday, but then I want to go home!!

The Update

I've had a pretty calm couple days. I'm responding to the Procadia and not having too many contractions. Olive is looking great. But, I'm still not to that all important 35 week point, the point where there is a chance she could avoid the NICU all together. Plus, I am at least still 4cm dilated, so it's not like they can assume nothing is going on.

Toni came in today and let me know that I wouldn't be going anywhere until at least Saturday. I had already assumed this, so I can take it. Saturday would put me at 35 weeks. She said they may want to keep me until Monday, but that we will reassess my situation on Saturday. She didn't check my cervix, because it wouldn't really matter and because they don't want to stir anything up. If they check me on Saturday and I'm 5cm or more, I don't think they will let me go anywhere. At that point, Toni said it would be too dangerous to let me go 25 minutes away from the hospital. There's no reason to assume anything... I just have to wait until Saturday. Just two days away. If I didn't miss my kids so bad that it literally hurts, it would be no big deal. Toni said that it was hard to comply when your heart hurts. So true.

Valentine's Day is Sunday. I had great plans of homeschool Valentine's Day activities, cupcakes, a party with Anna and Bennett... and now I'm here. I want them to have a great Valentine's Day, even if I can't be there. Who knows... maybe we'll all get a new baby as a Valentine's Day present.

Change of Perspective

With this pregnancy, my biggest worry or concern was not about how hard labor would be... it was about how on earth I would manage with four kids. I felt really anxious thinking about how I would be able to care for Ivey and the boys after I come home.. the physical recovery, the exhaustion, the needy little newborn, and the rest of the crew. Well, my perspective has changed.

I am not as worried about how I will care for everyone or how I will survive life with four children. This bedrest and hospital stay has shown me that the reality is that I wouldn't survive without them. I need my job, I love my job, I have the best job in the world. Will it be hard? Harder than I can imagine. But, I wouldn't want any other job in the world.

I can't wait to get my new little family member home and put right in the mix. I can't wait to get back to teaching the boys, to playing the same song over and over again for Ivey on ITunes, and even washing all those cloth diapers. I am one lucky momma... now let's see how long it takes to get me back to work.

I'm going to be staying here at the hospital at least another night. Last night was pretty calm. They want to keep me until tomorrow and then see if I've had any changes. I think they will keep me until Saturday, which will be 35 weeks. I'm okay with that... it makes sense. If I make it that far, though, I hope they will let me go home. We shall see...

Maybe Storm Was Not So Weathered Afterall

My contractions slowed down and were back to their normally abnormal self by this morning. I headed to my 11:00 midwife appointment and they hooked me up to the contraction monitor. I was doing the same thing I always do... the same thing I've done with every pregnancy. I have tiny little "irritability contrations" about 2 minutes apart, that I can barely feel and I do not count at all. I have them starting at 20 weeks with all three pregnancies. I did have one big whopper while on the monitor. Then, they checked my cervix... I knew that was the moment that can let me waddle on my merry way or leave me trapped in the hospital. I am now at 4cm (She said 3-4, but closer to 4). They did my Group B Strep test and sent me straight to the hospital. Ug.

So, here I sit. They gave me an IV of fluids in case my irritability was caused by dehydration (I told them it wouldn't help... my irritability is caused by my dysfunctional body, not dehydration). Of course, it didn't help. They shot me up with terbutaline, making me yet again feel like a chipmunk on speed. It calmed me down for a little while. Now, remember, I'm not having the contractions that I time and count... these are all for tiny irritability ones that I don't even feel. Next, they gave me Procardia. I'm on it now. If they can get me calmed down, who knows... maybe I can go home. If not, they'll have to decide whether to send me home or keep me here. For how long? Who knows. If I am in full blown labor, they wouldn't stop me. I don't want a 34 1/2 weeker, but she will be much better than she would have been at 33 weeks. I need to let go and just relinquish my need to control.

In my opinion, they should keep me over night (since all my contractions happen at night) and then send me home tomorrow if nothing happens. I'll even tell them I can go back on a lower dose of Procardia. I just don't want to think about them trying to keep me until I get to 36 weeks (as someone mentioned as a possibility). The thought of being away from my kids that long makes me crazy. I miss them already, I cannot possibly go another 10 days... I just can't. If I have to stay there, they will have to spend time visiting me or I won't make it. Okay, I can't think, about that possibility any more... Plus, what's the point? The game changes so often there's really no point in spending too much time thinking of any hypothetical option.

Man, I wish Taco Stand delivered.

Weathered the Storm

Man, oh man. I'm beat. I was up a lot of the night with contractions. They pretty much stayed 8 minutes apart. The midwife said to come in if they made it to 4-5 minutes apart, which I thought they were going to at about 4am, but they didn't stay that close. They fell back to an 8 minutes apart schedule when I was up at 6am. Luckily, I was able to sleep through some of it. I learned my lesson with Ivey and got some sleep! With her, I didn't, and then went to the hospital at 2am only to be up in labor for 22 more hours, which led to a very sleep deprived Holly. This time, I figure that I will try my best to go back to sleep and my body will wake me up if its really really real.

Now, I am very interested to see what they say today at the doctor. I would bet that my cervix has changed even further, but you never know. I could go another 2 weeks. It's a lesson in letting go and not trying to be in control... We've had a lot of those lessons, so I'm pretty prepped to put up with it!

On a different note, I had Monica come to clean my house today! (Actually, she's here now!) I am so excited about having a really truly clean house. All I want to do is get up and clean and organize and get ready for Miss Olive's arrival, but I can't. So, it is very therapeutic to have had Mom come yesterday and organize and then Monica come today and really clean. Vicarious nesting completed.

I should be asleep, but...

I'm up counting contractions. I've had them since dinner, but I just started timing them about 2 hours ago. They have been about 7 minutes apart. They will probably fizzle out to nothing. I really wish I could get some sleep while they do. But, if they happen to get closer together (4-5 min apart) I will be heading to the hospital. My guess is that I will eventually be able to fall asleep and I will wake up in the morning, back to my same ol' sporadically contracting self.

Tick, Tock....

The day after I stopped the Procardia, I thought I was on the fast track to a new baby. I had some contractions during the day, but that night I had so many I couldn't sleep. I had not just the typical big contractions, but these were more crampy, more painful, and the pain came from lower down and wrapped around my back. They were more like the real deal. The next morning, I felt better. I expected to get bad again last night, but no... I had a pretty calm night! There doesn't seem to be a lot of rhyme or reason to them. I guess I'll just cross my fingers for another week!! If I can make it to Saturday (just 5 more days), my little Olive could avoid the NICU completely!

Mom came over yesterday and tackled my list of things I wanted to do but couldn't. It feels so much better to have Olive's clothes put away and to have some sort of organization! I had all these things that I wanted to do, and mom was a great "me"! Mom took the kids in her car, and for the second time in a little over a week, Ivey got carsick in her car. Luckily, it happened at the end of the trip. The boys handled the projectile vomit better than expected. Mom told me that Addison said (in a very funny voice), "We are under the spell of the stench of Ivey's guts!" Silly boy. With his constantly funny use of the English language, I think he would be a good writer!

On a different note, both Ivey and Addison have cut teeth in the past couple weeks. Ivey now has all 4 of her first molars. She handled the whole thing so well that I didn't even realize it had happened! Addison has a new molar in the back, which was a total surprise to him. I hope we continue to have such easy teething experiences!

Under Pressure (doo, doo, doo, do-do doo doo)

The procardia has been doing a great job of keeping my contractions at bay. However, it has also been lowering my already low blood pressure a bit too much. I've had a few symptoms here and there, but last night it started effecting me a little too much for comfort. While sitting at the table eating dinner, I had about 5 minutes where I was struggling to keep my head up... my eyes wouldn't open, it was like I my batteries had run out right there at the table. Today, I have a bad headache and I feel a little nauseaus... and very run down. I called to let the office know and Toni called back. She pulled me off the procardia because the pros don't outweigh the cons at this point.

So, I thought I was trucking along on a medication that was working... and that I might keep on keepin' on. Now, I'm wondering what on earth is going to happen. I could still keep on truckin' on, or I could have a baby next week. I'm about 30 minutes away from when I would take my next pill, so I'm just waiting to see if I'll erupt into contractions. I'm sure keeping weight off of my cervix is playing a big part, as well, so maybe I'll be surprised.

Holding Strong!

Today was a wild day, Scooter and Jodie came to help get the boys to science class and to get me to the doctor, while Kierstin came to keep Miss Ivey. It takes a village! I was a bit nervous to go to my appointment, every other appointment I've had in the past week has sent me to the hospital. But, this one went very well.

First, they did an ultrasound to check Olive's growth and to see what size preemie we would be dealing with. She is right exactly on target, 55th percentile, measuring 5lbs 3oz! Her head was so low that the ultrasound tech had a very hard time getting a head measurement. Looks like she's still at +1. Everything with baby looked fabulous!

My cervix hasn't changed since I was at the hospital, which is fabulous. I'm at 2cm. The midwife decided to keep me on the Procardia for a while longer, so I now have enough to get me to 36 weeks, if that is even possible. I'm supposed to stay on strict bedrest until 34 weeks (Saturday), and then I can be on a modified bedrest, meaning no housework, lifting, or anything, but I can move around and sit with people instead of laying in the bed. That will last from Saturday until I reach 36 weeks or I deliver, whichever is sooner.

Now, I just have to keep laying here, letting people take care of things. This may sound great, but it's pretty hard to do! I keep thinking of things I want to do or need to do. It was a lot easier to be on bedrest back when I didn't have other children!