Friday, October 31, 2008
Multitasking
This is only the second day that I have had to get the boys to school with Ivey in tow. Yesterday, she wanted to eat breakfast at 8:00 instead of 7:30, so I had to nurse her with one hand while making two bowls of grits with the other. All in all, it was a successful morning. I was pretty frazzled and ended up going through carpool without so much as looking at myself in a mirror, but the boys made it to school with a packed lunch, book bag, and jacket. Not too bad.
Today, they not only had to be out the door with the previously mentioned items, but they also had to be IN COSTUME. Ivey had some issues with reflux during the night, so I pretty much didn't sleep from 3:30am on. I was a zombie on a mission. We did make it to school on time, in costume. But, it didn't happen without Asa asking me why I was being so grumpy. I guess it will take me a little while longer to be able to conquer the morning routine with a smile. Scratch that. I couldn't even manage that one before I had kids.
Ivey and I made it to the boys' Fall Party today. Asa and Addison were very happy to show off their new baby sister!
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
I'm still complicated...
I started bleeding really heavily on Thursday. I'd been tapering off, so this was weird to me. It seemed like too much, plus I was feeling really weak, so I called the doctor. They wanted me to come in to check it out, but I wasn't sure if I should drive myself. I called Andrea to just see if she could take me... it was worth a shot. Sure enough, she said that she could. Her mom even offered to watch all of our boys while she took me and Ivey.
Once we got to the office, I started having really bad cramps. They were bad enough for me to beg for meds right there in the office. They decided to do an ultrasound and sure enough, things were amiss. I think the exact words were, "Honey, no wonder you're hurting." I had "retained products of conception". It was probably some placental tissue, but definitely a bunch of stuff that shouldn't still be there.
I went back to see Susan and she called for the OB, who proceeded to get a visual on the situation. Without going into too much detail, I don't even want to WIPE down there, much less be opened up, checked out, and have various instruments used. They kept opening the door to yell for new instruments. The whole time I was sobbing. I'm talking true uncontrollable sobs, swollen eyes, snot, the whole nine yards. The OB was doing what he could and Susan was holding my hand and apologizing. It was horrible. After they did what they could, the OB told me that I have three options.
1) Do nothing and see what happens (not recommended)
2) Take a medicine to make me contract in hopes that my body would get it out or
3) Have a D&C
It was obvious that he felt I needed a D&C. I asked about the chances of taking the drug and still needing a D&C. I didn't want to go through any more than I had to. My fear of having my stitches ripped out took a backseat to my fear of having my postpartum recovery drag on for months. I agreed to the D&C. It was scheduled for the next day.
On Friday, Andrea (my hero) watched the boys for us and Jeff, Ivey and I headed to Athens at 7:45am. Ivey had never had a bottle, but I pumped a couple ounces the day before just in case I was unconscious during a feeding. I went back for pre-op and discussed safe meds to put me under while nursing. We decided on a general, but without the "feel good" medicine that they give you before putting you under. The nurses were awesome and hurried through what needed to be done in the pre-op room so that Jeff could bring Ivey back to nurse. After that, they wheeled me into the operating room. It was really eerie being wheeled in on a stretcher while completely lucid. You just aren't supposed to see all of that. I commented on how I wish I wasn't seeing this... the table of instruments, the nurses in face masks, etc. One nurse said that I wouldn't remember it and I had to let her know that I wasn't on any drugs... I would remember it just fine.
They gave me the gas and put me under. That was that. After my D&C I woke up in the recovery area with an IV of a drug to make me contract. Before my eyes were opened, I was moaning from the pain. The cramps were bad. They gave me something to help, but they were still bad. Unlike contractions, there is no break to these cramps. After a while, I was taken to a room where I was able to nurse Ivey again. She never skipped a beat.
The OB said that she was concerned that my uterus was still too large and not firm. I don't remember the word she used, but it was something like "floppy". She said she had to remove a lot. She didn't mention it to m, but when she talked to Jeff she dropped a hint that if my body didn't kick in and start contracting down like it should, we may be looking at a hysterectomy. He said it was just mentioned very lightly. Neither of us liked that one bit. So, let's hope that my body does its job now. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday to see if it has made any progress.
I've felt crummy for a few days, but today I am feeling better. I just hope this is the end of all of this madness and I can actually recover this time.
Once we got to the office, I started having really bad cramps. They were bad enough for me to beg for meds right there in the office. They decided to do an ultrasound and sure enough, things were amiss. I think the exact words were, "Honey, no wonder you're hurting." I had "retained products of conception". It was probably some placental tissue, but definitely a bunch of stuff that shouldn't still be there.
I went back to see Susan and she called for the OB, who proceeded to get a visual on the situation. Without going into too much detail, I don't even want to WIPE down there, much less be opened up, checked out, and have various instruments used. They kept opening the door to yell for new instruments. The whole time I was sobbing. I'm talking true uncontrollable sobs, swollen eyes, snot, the whole nine yards. The OB was doing what he could and Susan was holding my hand and apologizing. It was horrible. After they did what they could, the OB told me that I have three options.
1) Do nothing and see what happens (not recommended)
2) Take a medicine to make me contract in hopes that my body would get it out or
3) Have a D&C
It was obvious that he felt I needed a D&C. I asked about the chances of taking the drug and still needing a D&C. I didn't want to go through any more than I had to. My fear of having my stitches ripped out took a backseat to my fear of having my postpartum recovery drag on for months. I agreed to the D&C. It was scheduled for the next day.
On Friday, Andrea (my hero) watched the boys for us and Jeff, Ivey and I headed to Athens at 7:45am. Ivey had never had a bottle, but I pumped a couple ounces the day before just in case I was unconscious during a feeding. I went back for pre-op and discussed safe meds to put me under while nursing. We decided on a general, but without the "feel good" medicine that they give you before putting you under. The nurses were awesome and hurried through what needed to be done in the pre-op room so that Jeff could bring Ivey back to nurse. After that, they wheeled me into the operating room. It was really eerie being wheeled in on a stretcher while completely lucid. You just aren't supposed to see all of that. I commented on how I wish I wasn't seeing this... the table of instruments, the nurses in face masks, etc. One nurse said that I wouldn't remember it and I had to let her know that I wasn't on any drugs... I would remember it just fine.
They gave me the gas and put me under. That was that. After my D&C I woke up in the recovery area with an IV of a drug to make me contract. Before my eyes were opened, I was moaning from the pain. The cramps were bad. They gave me something to help, but they were still bad. Unlike contractions, there is no break to these cramps. After a while, I was taken to a room where I was able to nurse Ivey again. She never skipped a beat.
The OB said that she was concerned that my uterus was still too large and not firm. I don't remember the word she used, but it was something like "floppy". She said she had to remove a lot. She didn't mention it to m, but when she talked to Jeff she dropped a hint that if my body didn't kick in and start contracting down like it should, we may be looking at a hysterectomy. He said it was just mentioned very lightly. Neither of us liked that one bit. So, let's hope that my body does its job now. I go back to the doctor on Wednesday to see if it has made any progress.
I've felt crummy for a few days, but today I am feeling better. I just hope this is the end of all of this madness and I can actually recover this time.
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Monday, October 13, 2008
First Doctor Visit
Ivey went to see Dr. Hill today. First of all, Ivey nurses like a champ. Three hours after she was born, she was ready to eat. By 6 hours old she had the whole latch, suck, swallow thing down pat. My milk came in in record time. When we left the hospital, she had dropped from her birthweight of 6lbs 9oz to 5lbs 14oz. By today, 4 days later, she was back up to 6lbs 9oz! She is healthy as can be and everything looks great. We come back next week for another weigh-in.
It is so nice not to be using bottles. With the boys, I had to pump while they were in the NICU, then I had to pump at home because they had a hard time nursing and had reflux. It was rough. This is so much easier!
The boys love having a little sister. At first I was worried about the age gap. Now, I am thankful for it. We haven't really had any problems with jealousy. I think the main problem is just that I'm so out of it.. not that Ivey is here. They can't wait for me to be back to my normal self again.
On the first night home from the hospital, we had Ivey laying in her pack and play in the living room. Asa was so excited. He wasn't hyper really, just vibrating inside. He was going around and around the bed, trying to get the best spot to see her. He would reach over and touch her head. Then, he lit up. He came up to me and whispered, "I want Ivey to have my yellow blanket tonight!" Yellow blanket is a big deal. He has been sleeping with this forever. He ran upstairs and came down with the coveted blanket. He then placed it carefully around her body in a "U" shape. He was very careful to get it in just the right spot. Then, he seemed unsettled again. He danced around, thinking...
"I just want to give her something, mommy!" He said. I reminded him that Mim had taken him shopping for a present for his new sister. He lit up again and ran off to get it. He came back with the present and would up the little giraffe. He put it in the crib, making sure to get it in a good spot. He was thrilled! In a few minutes, he looked very confused. He came to me and said, "I just want to do nice things for her because it makes me feel so happy." I explained to him that he was feeling love. It was so sweet to see him feel this flood of emotion. What good brothers Ivey has!
It is so nice not to be using bottles. With the boys, I had to pump while they were in the NICU, then I had to pump at home because they had a hard time nursing and had reflux. It was rough. This is so much easier!
The boys love having a little sister. At first I was worried about the age gap. Now, I am thankful for it. We haven't really had any problems with jealousy. I think the main problem is just that I'm so out of it.. not that Ivey is here. They can't wait for me to be back to my normal self again.
On the first night home from the hospital, we had Ivey laying in her pack and play in the living room. Asa was so excited. He wasn't hyper really, just vibrating inside. He was going around and around the bed, trying to get the best spot to see her. He would reach over and touch her head. Then, he lit up. He came up to me and whispered, "I want Ivey to have my yellow blanket tonight!" Yellow blanket is a big deal. He has been sleeping with this forever. He ran upstairs and came down with the coveted blanket. He then placed it carefully around her body in a "U" shape. He was very careful to get it in just the right spot. Then, he seemed unsettled again. He danced around, thinking...
"I just want to give her something, mommy!" He said. I reminded him that Mim had taken him shopping for a present for his new sister. He lit up again and ran off to get it. He came back with the present and would up the little giraffe. He put it in the crib, making sure to get it in a good spot. He was thrilled! In a few minutes, he looked very confused. He came to me and said, "I just want to do nice things for her because it makes me feel so happy." I explained to him that he was feeling love. It was so sweet to see him feel this flood of emotion. What good brothers Ivey has!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Ivey's Birth Story
Sunday night, Jeff and I decided that it would be a great idea to start watching School of Rock at 11pm instead of heading to bed like responsible adults. Come on, it's Jack Black. I watched the movie for the third time, laughing my butt off. The man is hilarious. At about 1:00am it was definitely time for bed. I was only in bed for a little less than an hour when I felt something a little funny, and then a tiny trickle.
I went to the bathroom and saw a little bit of something, but I wasn't completely convinced that my water had broken. I let Jeff know that I think it may have broken and headed back to bed. Sure enough, a few minutes later I had a little more. It was very unimpressive. Just a little bit of clear fluid. Ummm.... this really might be it, but I decided to give it some more time. Then, it became clear that things were in deed happening. The clear turned to pink and I had a lot more of it.
The midwifes had told me to call and come in when my water broke, because the baby was so low it would probably not take long for things to progress. So, I called Hal and let him know to hit the road and come stay with the boys. In the meantime, I packed up some things, ate two bowls of Honeycomb cereal, and tried not to get too excited. I wasn't scared, I wasn't nervous, I was excited as if my parents just woke me up in the middle of the night to pile into the car and head on vacation. We were about to meet our little baby!
Hal showed up in record time. Cracking jokes along the way, Jeff and I eventually made it out the door and into Hal's truck. I called the midwife and let her know I was on my way. I was having some contractions, but nothing too crazy. They were around 10-15 minutes apart and were very bearable. Once at the hospital, Jeff dropped me off and I checked in. I am guessing that if I were screaming in agony or had a baby visibly poking out of me they would have moved me along faster? Instead, I sat there and filled out privacy forms and made copies of my identification. Boy, I sure am glad that I pre-registered. If I hadn't I may still be in there.
Once upstairs to L&D, we were given a room and waited for the midwife. Much to my dismay, the one on call was my least favorite. She questioned whether or not my water had truly broken, seemed very disapproving of my ability to make such a call, and proceeded to pry me open to investigate. I was nervous and flinched... and her reaction to my anxiety was to tell me that I was "making things harder on myself". Um, excuse me, but you just PINCHED me with a SPECULUM. I wasn't pleased. Surely this woman would be going home soon and Glenda the Good Witch would come in with a big pink dress and huge smile to happily guide me through the process. After her disapproving attitude, the woman agreed that my water had broken.
I let them know that I hoped to be mobile and labor drug-free, and the nurses were awesome and let me move into the big room with the tub. Thanks to my childbirth classes with Pat, I knew to bring some clothes with me that would work in labor so I never wore one of those horrible gowns. Instead, I donned a white tank top and a short cotton skirt that I picked up at Old Navy for $4.99. Perfect for laboring and then tossing if I needed to. It felt great not to wear that gown with its annoying ties that seem to always land in the wrong places. The nurses hooked me up with wireless waterproof contraction and fetal monitors, so they could watch what was going on without my being stuck in the bed.
The new L&D room was awesome. There was a big couch for Jeff and a little table with chairs. My contractions were getting stronger. I moaned and groaned, I leaned over the bed, but I was okay. That was until a big one would hit. Every third or forth contraction I would have an enormous one that would literally go off the top of the monitor. These would last over 2 minutes long, some over 3 minutes. They were horrible. I remember just yelling "No No No!" as they would start up, in fear of how big I knew they would get. I tried to let Jeff sleep during the night, but these big ones would often require him to get up and massage my legs during the contractions. My thighs would hurt so bad when they hit, and massaging them really hard helped to cut the pain.
I remember lying there in the bed, Jeff sleeping on the couch, watching the sun come up through the wall of windows. The pain was getting worse, but my contractions were still a bit irregular. I was working really hard to get through the pain. While Jeff slept, I thought it would be better to labor over the back of a chair. I used the birthing ball up on the bed and leaned over onto it. Leaning really helped, and I loved the way the ball gave and bounced. But, after a few contractions I would have to move on to find a better position. I have no idea what time it was, but the new midwife started her shift. My dream of Glenda the Good Witch coming in and saving the day was as close to true as I could hope for. Susan was awesome.
I think it was at around 11:00 when Susan let me know that the contractions that I was having were not what they would hope for. The big ones were WAY too big. Susan told me that some lasted 4 minutes and were stronger than they should be. These were not productive and very abnormal, which was great to hear. Having not been watching the monitor or the clock, I thought these big ones were normal. I thought they would all be this big. What a relief. I had been laboring all night and wasn't having a lot of progress. Susan asked if I would be interested in Pitocin to regulate the contractions. My fear was that the pitocin contractions would be worse on me, so I asked if I could have Nubane on hand just in case I needed a little help getting through. It sounded like a plan. They gave me an IV port so I could continue to be mobile. No tubes or bags. Once they injected some pitocin I went and got in the tub. This was the best place I'd found. They laid a bunch of towels in the bottom of the tub, and then draped towels over my chest and belly. Every once in a while, the nurse or Jeff would pour warm water over the towels on top of me. It felt wonderful, relatively speaking. The contractions were pretty intense. I had thrown up a few times at this point.
I have no idea how long I was in there, but once I was out I asked for the Nubane. Nubane isn't exactly a pain killer. You feel the pain, but it just affects the way your brain reacts. You feel it, but don't really care as much. To me, it just took a bit of the edge off. I was still having to really work to get through the contractions. I was on survival mode. At one point I decided that I really wanted to incline my bed, turn around, and hang off the back. I had my arms and head hanging over the back and I leaned on the mattress... and it got me through. It worked great. By about 3:00 I was dilated to a 5. Susan let me see if my body could kick in without another dose of pitocin. At this point, Jeff called everyone to tell them that the baby would be here soon. Hal and Mom brought the boys to the hospital. Little did we know it would be a long time before she would make her arrival.
By 3:00pm, I had gone 31 hours with no sleep. While hanging over the back of the bed, the nurse, Mom, Jeff, and Susan realized that I was actually falling asleep, hard sleep, between the contractions. I vaguely remember them talking about the jagged breath patterns that were showing up in between contractions on the monitor. I was completely exhausted, and I was only a 5. By 6:30pm, Susan came in and asked me for my thoughts on an epidural so that I could get some sleep before I had to push. I didn't want an epidural, but things weren't going as smoothly as I had hoped, either. I had been laboring and managing to work my way through for 16 hours at this point. I had been awake for 35 hours or so. I knew that I would not be able to get through much more of this. I had to sleep. So, I told Susan that I thought it was a good idea given the circumstances. Susan checked me and I was at 9cm.
The anesthesiologist came in and I assumed the position for the epidural. I was terrified. Terrified enough not to move no matter what contraction was hitting. I sat there, hunched over, while he stuck me. Something was wrong. At this point, I was silently terrified. The anesthesiologist (whom Jeff later told me audibly gasped at this point), had stuck a blood vessel. I'm not sure what was going on back there, but he kept counting up vertebrae and saying that he was still in a vessel. He had to pull the whole thing out and stick me again. Two epidural sticks. Even though it was scary beyond belief, everything was okay. They gave me a button to push for me to give myself the epidural medicine. I now remember that they told me this, but at the time it didn't register. I never pushed it a single time. I was able to sleep for an hour before I was feeling ready to push.
At about 8:00, Susan came in and let me incline the bed and started bearing down when I felt the need. It was very low key, very unintimidating. I felt I needed to push and she let me as she sat beside my bed. With Asa and Addison, I was so drugged that I never felt the urge to push at all. I was so disconnected with the entire process. This was so much different. With all of its problems, this was much closer to the birth I had hoped for. I pushed this way for about an hour, and I felt as if I was making some progress. Because I had never pushed the epidural button, I was able to move my feet and knees. I wouldn't have been able to support myself at this point, but I was aware that the epidural was very low... I just didn't realize that it was because I didn't push the button!
After my hour of self-directed pushing, Susan stepped into position and we really worked. I pushed for a while with my knees back, the standard hospital position. But, because my epidural was so weak at this point, I also was about to get up on my knees and lean on the ball to push. I even was able to use the squat bar above my bed. I think these really helped to get the baby moved down, but it was the "tug of war" position that did the most good. Susan took a sheet and rolled it up. She gave the two ends to Jeff, who was at the foot of the bed. I had the "U" and pulled back on it with all my might as I pushed. It worked so well. I mean, it would have worked perfectly if my baby's head had been presented correctly. I was running out of steam, although I didn't feel like it because I was so determined to keep on going. I was definitely giving it my all. The pushing didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would... it was the NOT pushing that was so hard. There were a few times that Susan would ask me to rest through a contraction. Well, that's just not possible. I HAD to push. There was no option. The only way I could get through them without pushing was to moan and pant through them. Why? I have no idea.
After about 3 hours of pushing, and well over an hour of being able to see the head, which was stuck, Susan told me that she felt like she needed to call the OB so they could use a little vacuum extraction to help. At that point, we thought it would only take a little pull as I pushed to get things moving. Boy, we were wrong. The OB came in and I got really nervous about the vacuum. Yes, Asa had to have it done and he was only 3lbs 5oz. He turned out perfectly fine. But, after 22 hours of labor and 3 1/2 hours of pushing, I was almost to my breaking point. I was scared.
The doctor pulled hard... and the baby was so stuck that the vacuum popped off with a loud "POP". This had happened to Asa... it will be okay... just PUSH HARD... She tried again and it happened again. This baby was stuck. It took a lot of hard work on all of our parts, but finally Ivey Victoria was born at 12:04am. As soon as I felt her come out, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. They didn't place her on my chest, but lifted her up for me to see before checking her out. I only saw arms and legs through the tears. While the nurses and Jeff went to check her out on the little table next to me, I was lost in sobs. All of the pain and exhaustion had left me completely out of my mind. The doctor and nurses asked me if I was crying because I was worried about the baby... "She's fine" they said. Honestly, I wasn't worried about her. I knew she was okay. I was just sobbing to let it all out. It had been a grueling 22 hours. I hadn't slept in 40 hours. I needed to let it all out.
Looking back, everything happened exactly how it needed to. I have no regrets what-so-ever. I am so thankful that I switched hospitals and switched doctors. The atmosphere was so laid back. No one told us what we needed to do, no one barked orders at us, no one even assumed anything. We were in charge. We were able to labor alone and could call in for help when we needed it. When things didn't go as planned, we were given options and the atmosphere was still kept calm. There were no fluorescent lights in my face, everything was dim, quiet, as peaceful as it could be. I could move around freely. I couldn't have pushed for so long without that sleep that I gained from the epidural. When my epidural wore off, I was allowed to get up on my knees and push however I felt that I safely could. Because her head was extended up instead of tucked, I couldn't have pushed that baby out on my own without that vacuum extraction.
Jeff and I did it. It hurt more than I can describe and there were many times that I felt that I couldn't make it, but we did. Yes, she would have been born just fine if I had had an epidural from the start or if I had a scheduled Cesarean. But, for some unexplainable reason I needed to feel it. I needed to experience it all... and it was good for my soul! As hard as it was, I wouldn't change a thing.
I went to the bathroom and saw a little bit of something, but I wasn't completely convinced that my water had broken. I let Jeff know that I think it may have broken and headed back to bed. Sure enough, a few minutes later I had a little more. It was very unimpressive. Just a little bit of clear fluid. Ummm.... this really might be it, but I decided to give it some more time. Then, it became clear that things were in deed happening. The clear turned to pink and I had a lot more of it.
The midwifes had told me to call and come in when my water broke, because the baby was so low it would probably not take long for things to progress. So, I called Hal and let him know to hit the road and come stay with the boys. In the meantime, I packed up some things, ate two bowls of Honeycomb cereal, and tried not to get too excited. I wasn't scared, I wasn't nervous, I was excited as if my parents just woke me up in the middle of the night to pile into the car and head on vacation. We were about to meet our little baby!
Hal showed up in record time. Cracking jokes along the way, Jeff and I eventually made it out the door and into Hal's truck. I called the midwife and let her know I was on my way. I was having some contractions, but nothing too crazy. They were around 10-15 minutes apart and were very bearable. Once at the hospital, Jeff dropped me off and I checked in. I am guessing that if I were screaming in agony or had a baby visibly poking out of me they would have moved me along faster? Instead, I sat there and filled out privacy forms and made copies of my identification. Boy, I sure am glad that I pre-registered. If I hadn't I may still be in there.
Once upstairs to L&D, we were given a room and waited for the midwife. Much to my dismay, the one on call was my least favorite. She questioned whether or not my water had truly broken, seemed very disapproving of my ability to make such a call, and proceeded to pry me open to investigate. I was nervous and flinched... and her reaction to my anxiety was to tell me that I was "making things harder on myself". Um, excuse me, but you just PINCHED me with a SPECULUM. I wasn't pleased. Surely this woman would be going home soon and Glenda the Good Witch would come in with a big pink dress and huge smile to happily guide me through the process. After her disapproving attitude, the woman agreed that my water had broken.
I let them know that I hoped to be mobile and labor drug-free, and the nurses were awesome and let me move into the big room with the tub. Thanks to my childbirth classes with Pat, I knew to bring some clothes with me that would work in labor so I never wore one of those horrible gowns. Instead, I donned a white tank top and a short cotton skirt that I picked up at Old Navy for $4.99. Perfect for laboring and then tossing if I needed to. It felt great not to wear that gown with its annoying ties that seem to always land in the wrong places. The nurses hooked me up with wireless waterproof contraction and fetal monitors, so they could watch what was going on without my being stuck in the bed.
The new L&D room was awesome. There was a big couch for Jeff and a little table with chairs. My contractions were getting stronger. I moaned and groaned, I leaned over the bed, but I was okay. That was until a big one would hit. Every third or forth contraction I would have an enormous one that would literally go off the top of the monitor. These would last over 2 minutes long, some over 3 minutes. They were horrible. I remember just yelling "No No No!" as they would start up, in fear of how big I knew they would get. I tried to let Jeff sleep during the night, but these big ones would often require him to get up and massage my legs during the contractions. My thighs would hurt so bad when they hit, and massaging them really hard helped to cut the pain.
I remember lying there in the bed, Jeff sleeping on the couch, watching the sun come up through the wall of windows. The pain was getting worse, but my contractions were still a bit irregular. I was working really hard to get through the pain. While Jeff slept, I thought it would be better to labor over the back of a chair. I used the birthing ball up on the bed and leaned over onto it. Leaning really helped, and I loved the way the ball gave and bounced. But, after a few contractions I would have to move on to find a better position. I have no idea what time it was, but the new midwife started her shift. My dream of Glenda the Good Witch coming in and saving the day was as close to true as I could hope for. Susan was awesome.
I think it was at around 11:00 when Susan let me know that the contractions that I was having were not what they would hope for. The big ones were WAY too big. Susan told me that some lasted 4 minutes and were stronger than they should be. These were not productive and very abnormal, which was great to hear. Having not been watching the monitor or the clock, I thought these big ones were normal. I thought they would all be this big. What a relief. I had been laboring all night and wasn't having a lot of progress. Susan asked if I would be interested in Pitocin to regulate the contractions. My fear was that the pitocin contractions would be worse on me, so I asked if I could have Nubane on hand just in case I needed a little help getting through. It sounded like a plan. They gave me an IV port so I could continue to be mobile. No tubes or bags. Once they injected some pitocin I went and got in the tub. This was the best place I'd found. They laid a bunch of towels in the bottom of the tub, and then draped towels over my chest and belly. Every once in a while, the nurse or Jeff would pour warm water over the towels on top of me. It felt wonderful, relatively speaking. The contractions were pretty intense. I had thrown up a few times at this point.
I have no idea how long I was in there, but once I was out I asked for the Nubane. Nubane isn't exactly a pain killer. You feel the pain, but it just affects the way your brain reacts. You feel it, but don't really care as much. To me, it just took a bit of the edge off. I was still having to really work to get through the contractions. I was on survival mode. At one point I decided that I really wanted to incline my bed, turn around, and hang off the back. I had my arms and head hanging over the back and I leaned on the mattress... and it got me through. It worked great. By about 3:00 I was dilated to a 5. Susan let me see if my body could kick in without another dose of pitocin. At this point, Jeff called everyone to tell them that the baby would be here soon. Hal and Mom brought the boys to the hospital. Little did we know it would be a long time before she would make her arrival.
By 3:00pm, I had gone 31 hours with no sleep. While hanging over the back of the bed, the nurse, Mom, Jeff, and Susan realized that I was actually falling asleep, hard sleep, between the contractions. I vaguely remember them talking about the jagged breath patterns that were showing up in between contractions on the monitor. I was completely exhausted, and I was only a 5. By 6:30pm, Susan came in and asked me for my thoughts on an epidural so that I could get some sleep before I had to push. I didn't want an epidural, but things weren't going as smoothly as I had hoped, either. I had been laboring and managing to work my way through for 16 hours at this point. I had been awake for 35 hours or so. I knew that I would not be able to get through much more of this. I had to sleep. So, I told Susan that I thought it was a good idea given the circumstances. Susan checked me and I was at 9cm.
The anesthesiologist came in and I assumed the position for the epidural. I was terrified. Terrified enough not to move no matter what contraction was hitting. I sat there, hunched over, while he stuck me. Something was wrong. At this point, I was silently terrified. The anesthesiologist (whom Jeff later told me audibly gasped at this point), had stuck a blood vessel. I'm not sure what was going on back there, but he kept counting up vertebrae and saying that he was still in a vessel. He had to pull the whole thing out and stick me again. Two epidural sticks. Even though it was scary beyond belief, everything was okay. They gave me a button to push for me to give myself the epidural medicine. I now remember that they told me this, but at the time it didn't register. I never pushed it a single time. I was able to sleep for an hour before I was feeling ready to push.
At about 8:00, Susan came in and let me incline the bed and started bearing down when I felt the need. It was very low key, very unintimidating. I felt I needed to push and she let me as she sat beside my bed. With Asa and Addison, I was so drugged that I never felt the urge to push at all. I was so disconnected with the entire process. This was so much different. With all of its problems, this was much closer to the birth I had hoped for. I pushed this way for about an hour, and I felt as if I was making some progress. Because I had never pushed the epidural button, I was able to move my feet and knees. I wouldn't have been able to support myself at this point, but I was aware that the epidural was very low... I just didn't realize that it was because I didn't push the button!
After my hour of self-directed pushing, Susan stepped into position and we really worked. I pushed for a while with my knees back, the standard hospital position. But, because my epidural was so weak at this point, I also was about to get up on my knees and lean on the ball to push. I even was able to use the squat bar above my bed. I think these really helped to get the baby moved down, but it was the "tug of war" position that did the most good. Susan took a sheet and rolled it up. She gave the two ends to Jeff, who was at the foot of the bed. I had the "U" and pulled back on it with all my might as I pushed. It worked so well. I mean, it would have worked perfectly if my baby's head had been presented correctly. I was running out of steam, although I didn't feel like it because I was so determined to keep on going. I was definitely giving it my all. The pushing didn't hurt as bad as I thought it would... it was the NOT pushing that was so hard. There were a few times that Susan would ask me to rest through a contraction. Well, that's just not possible. I HAD to push. There was no option. The only way I could get through them without pushing was to moan and pant through them. Why? I have no idea.
After about 3 hours of pushing, and well over an hour of being able to see the head, which was stuck, Susan told me that she felt like she needed to call the OB so they could use a little vacuum extraction to help. At that point, we thought it would only take a little pull as I pushed to get things moving. Boy, we were wrong. The OB came in and I got really nervous about the vacuum. Yes, Asa had to have it done and he was only 3lbs 5oz. He turned out perfectly fine. But, after 22 hours of labor and 3 1/2 hours of pushing, I was almost to my breaking point. I was scared.
The doctor pulled hard... and the baby was so stuck that the vacuum popped off with a loud "POP". This had happened to Asa... it will be okay... just PUSH HARD... She tried again and it happened again. This baby was stuck. It took a lot of hard work on all of our parts, but finally Ivey Victoria was born at 12:04am. As soon as I felt her come out, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. They didn't place her on my chest, but lifted her up for me to see before checking her out. I only saw arms and legs through the tears. While the nurses and Jeff went to check her out on the little table next to me, I was lost in sobs. All of the pain and exhaustion had left me completely out of my mind. The doctor and nurses asked me if I was crying because I was worried about the baby... "She's fine" they said. Honestly, I wasn't worried about her. I knew she was okay. I was just sobbing to let it all out. It had been a grueling 22 hours. I hadn't slept in 40 hours. I needed to let it all out.
Looking back, everything happened exactly how it needed to. I have no regrets what-so-ever. I am so thankful that I switched hospitals and switched doctors. The atmosphere was so laid back. No one told us what we needed to do, no one barked orders at us, no one even assumed anything. We were in charge. We were able to labor alone and could call in for help when we needed it. When things didn't go as planned, we were given options and the atmosphere was still kept calm. There were no fluorescent lights in my face, everything was dim, quiet, as peaceful as it could be. I could move around freely. I couldn't have pushed for so long without that sleep that I gained from the epidural. When my epidural wore off, I was allowed to get up on my knees and push however I felt that I safely could. Because her head was extended up instead of tucked, I couldn't have pushed that baby out on my own without that vacuum extraction.
Jeff and I did it. It hurt more than I can describe and there were many times that I felt that I couldn't make it, but we did. Yes, she would have been born just fine if I had had an epidural from the start or if I had a scheduled Cesarean. But, for some unexplainable reason I needed to feel it. I needed to experience it all... and it was good for my soul! As hard as it was, I wouldn't change a thing.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
She's Here!
We are pleased to announce the arrival of
Ivey Victoria Longino
Born on October 7th, 2008 at 12:04am
6lbs 9oz and 19.5" long
Pictures only for now, but hopefully soon I will attempt to describe the rocky 22 hour labor!
Ivey Victoria Longino
Born on October 7th, 2008 at 12:04am
6lbs 9oz and 19.5" long
Pictures only for now, but hopefully soon I will attempt to describe the rocky 22 hour labor!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
Snapshot into my home
I just want to give a description so that you can picture in your head a scene from our home tonight.
After working in the garage, Jeff, Asa and Addison were all completely filthy. Addison had his bath, then Asa. Finally, Jeff was in the tub. The boys proceeded to run around like (naked) wild Indians, laughing hysterically about who knows what. I did not have the energy to wrestle them into their pajamas, so I didn't even try. Jeff was covered in marble dust (from cutting marble tiles) and was seated in our tiny 48" long claw foot tub.
The boys were in and out of the bathroom, bouncing and screaming. In their madness, someone mentioned a "brick house" for some reason that now escapes me. This prompted Jeff to belt out a single line from the song of the same name. Having never heard the words, "She's a brick houuuse" in their short little lives, the boys erupted into laughter. Within minutes, the song was blasting over the speakers in the next room.
It is 8:45pm, the boys are butt naked, dancing, running, laughing, and are completely out of control, "Brick House" is blaring over the speakers, a Jeff covered in fine white marble dust is sitting in our tiny tub, and my huge belly and I are propped up on the seat of the toilet to get through a contraction.
I doubt he could have ever imagined this scene when he sold his Gibson SG to give me that ring 10 years ago...
After working in the garage, Jeff, Asa and Addison were all completely filthy. Addison had his bath, then Asa. Finally, Jeff was in the tub. The boys proceeded to run around like (naked) wild Indians, laughing hysterically about who knows what. I did not have the energy to wrestle them into their pajamas, so I didn't even try. Jeff was covered in marble dust (from cutting marble tiles) and was seated in our tiny 48" long claw foot tub.
The boys were in and out of the bathroom, bouncing and screaming. In their madness, someone mentioned a "brick house" for some reason that now escapes me. This prompted Jeff to belt out a single line from the song of the same name. Having never heard the words, "She's a brick houuuse" in their short little lives, the boys erupted into laughter. Within minutes, the song was blasting over the speakers in the next room.
It is 8:45pm, the boys are butt naked, dancing, running, laughing, and are completely out of control, "Brick House" is blaring over the speakers, a Jeff covered in fine white marble dust is sitting in our tiny tub, and my huge belly and I are propped up on the seat of the toilet to get through a contraction.
I doubt he could have ever imagined this scene when he sold his Gibson SG to give me that ring 10 years ago...
Feelin' Rough
Wow. Over the last three days, I have been hit with crippling exhaustion. I have been sleeping pretty well at night, but then I am sleeping another 4+ hours each day, completely against my will. I literally have gone to the grocery store, sat in the parking lot, and came home because there was no way on Earth I could walk across the store. With only 12 days until my due date, I am beat.
Contractions have gotten a little stronger, some quite strong, but aren't regular or increasing. Last night, I was having some pretty strong ones. Jeff did manage to get me out of bed and we took the boys to Open Mike Night at 106 West in Winder. Jeff had taken keyboard lessons from Thom a while back, and has gotten up the guts to do two Open Mike Nights so far. The last time Jeff performed, Addison did as well. Addison jumped up there and played Twinkle Twinkle on his violin. This time only Jeff got up there while we cheered him on. Thankfully, I didn't go into labor at the show... although I guess that wouldn't have been so bad.
Let me tell you first off that Jeff would be mortified if he knew that I was writing about his endeavor, but luckily, he doesn't read my blog. Without embarrassing him too much, though, I'll just say that I think he's great... and I love the fact that my boys, and baby to come, get to sit in the audience and listen to Daddy rock out a little every now and then.
Contractions have gotten a little stronger, some quite strong, but aren't regular or increasing. Last night, I was having some pretty strong ones. Jeff did manage to get me out of bed and we took the boys to Open Mike Night at 106 West in Winder. Jeff had taken keyboard lessons from Thom a while back, and has gotten up the guts to do two Open Mike Nights so far. The last time Jeff performed, Addison did as well. Addison jumped up there and played Twinkle Twinkle on his violin. This time only Jeff got up there while we cheered him on. Thankfully, I didn't go into labor at the show... although I guess that wouldn't have been so bad.
Let me tell you first off that Jeff would be mortified if he knew that I was writing about his endeavor, but luckily, he doesn't read my blog. Without embarrassing him too much, though, I'll just say that I think he's great... and I love the fact that my boys, and baby to come, get to sit in the audience and listen to Daddy rock out a little every now and then.
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Englishism
A while back, the boys were getting undressed in the bathroom waiting for the tub to fill. Jeff and I were int he kitchen when Asa ran up, naked. "Addison just threw a cloe in the tub!!" He yelled. We looked at each other. "A what?" "A CLOE!" He repeated. As we headed to the bathroom, Jeff probed Asa further. Say it slowly. Repeat. Each time, all he could get was "cloe".
As we entered the bathroom, Asa pointed it out. "See, a CLOE in the tub! Just one cloe!" In the tub floated Addison's shirt.
One shirt = Clo
Two = Clothes
We loved it so much we just didn't have it in us to correct him. I was reminded of this last night when we were putting the boys into their fuzzy footy pj's for the first time this Fall. After zipping up, Asa said he loved them because he was all covered up with only one cloe.
As we entered the bathroom, Asa pointed it out. "See, a CLOE in the tub! Just one cloe!" In the tub floated Addison's shirt.
One shirt = Clo
Two = Clothes
We loved it so much we just didn't have it in us to correct him. I was reminded of this last night when we were putting the boys into their fuzzy footy pj's for the first time this Fall. After zipping up, Asa said he loved them because he was all covered up with only one cloe.
Friday, October 3, 2008
More than Twinkle
Violin lessons started back in full swing last month. The first group lesson of the semester was a disaster. The seven children, 5 to 7 years, proceeded to follow Ms. Kristin's lead and play various rhythms and Twinkle Twinkle. The boys have been struggling with moving from the E string to the D on the A string... they can do it just fine, but they need a pause to do so. Well, the group didn't pause. Addison handled things very well. He just hung out until he could jump in somewhere else. Asa, on the other hand, had a meltdown. You could see it in his face. He honestly felt like every one else in the group had nailed it and that he was the only one who couldn't do it. He felt like everyone was looking at him. He paniced and he ran to me. I felt horrible. Later in the practice, Ms. Kristin had them go around the room and each student played the next note to Twinkle Twinkle... The first child played the A, second played E, and so on. This was nothing that we had practiced before. The older kids did great, but mine were struggling. Asa especially. I tried to explain to him that it will just take practice, and that everyone up there is struggling with something, and that no one up there is doing it perfectly. It didn't seem to help. He was mortified that he couldn't keep up.
That week, we worked on getting the trouble spot down as well as how to "sneak" back in when you get lost. We spent the week making tons of progress. I did realize that, although "sneaking back in" is an excellent lesson to learn (not just with music, but with anything... if you get lost, just find out where to jump back in and don't worry about it), to call it "sneaking" made Asa think that he couldn't get caught doing this or he would be in trouble. "What if they catch me?" he asked. I tried to explain that it was a good thing to do, and that even grown ups need to sneak back in every now and then.
The next week we saw so much improvement! Asa was BEAMING! As stressed out and frustrated as he was the week before, he was equally proud of himself then. His practice at jumping from the A to the D on the E string payed off and he was reaping the benefits. We had even practiced the "going around the room", which went very well. At home, the boys and I had our violins and Jeff had the piano... we went in rounds playing each note to Twinkle, just like in class. I also used my violin to play the intro- just like in group class- so Asa and Addison could more easily translate home practices into the group setting. To see both boys, but Asa in particular, find self-reward in their practice just thrilled me to no end. This isn't just a music lesson, they are learning that even when things seem impossible, if you just put some effort in and practice, you can do it.
For the last 2 weeks, Ms. Kristin has been out of town and we have had a substitute for group lessons. Personally, I felt frustration over the language barrier with the new instructor, as well as frustration over her assumptions. (We parents had to explain to her that the students had no idea what she was asking them to do because we had not yet gotten to the point of knowing which finger position equalled which note). Although it was frustrating and hard, the boys stood their ground. The older kids had a much easier time. There's a big difference between 5 and 6 or 7! But this time, when Asa ran to me int he middle of class, he wasn't near tears and wanting to quit. He did so to ask me if we could please practice this at home!
Last night, we practiced Twinkle and the boys wanted to video tape it. It was almost bedtime, so they weren't as "on the ball" as normal, but I think watching the video will help them find areas where they can improve. Ms. Becca had jury duty this week, so we did not have a private lesson. As we sat at the dinner table last night, Asa looked up and told me that he really wanted to see Ms. Becca soon so he can show her what he has worked on. He made me call her right then to ask if we could meet the next day. Hopefully, we can. If not, we will on Tuesday.
At dinner, Asa also brought up the fact that not every student in group lessons has Ms. Becca for a private teacher. He said that some kids had Ms. Kristin, and some had Raphael... but according to Asa, he is very very glad that he has Ms. Becca. I don't know how far away she is from moving on from the Community Music School, but for our sake I hope we have some time!
That week, we worked on getting the trouble spot down as well as how to "sneak" back in when you get lost. We spent the week making tons of progress. I did realize that, although "sneaking back in" is an excellent lesson to learn (not just with music, but with anything... if you get lost, just find out where to jump back in and don't worry about it), to call it "sneaking" made Asa think that he couldn't get caught doing this or he would be in trouble. "What if they catch me?" he asked. I tried to explain that it was a good thing to do, and that even grown ups need to sneak back in every now and then.
The next week we saw so much improvement! Asa was BEAMING! As stressed out and frustrated as he was the week before, he was equally proud of himself then. His practice at jumping from the A to the D on the E string payed off and he was reaping the benefits. We had even practiced the "going around the room", which went very well. At home, the boys and I had our violins and Jeff had the piano... we went in rounds playing each note to Twinkle, just like in class. I also used my violin to play the intro- just like in group class- so Asa and Addison could more easily translate home practices into the group setting. To see both boys, but Asa in particular, find self-reward in their practice just thrilled me to no end. This isn't just a music lesson, they are learning that even when things seem impossible, if you just put some effort in and practice, you can do it.
For the last 2 weeks, Ms. Kristin has been out of town and we have had a substitute for group lessons. Personally, I felt frustration over the language barrier with the new instructor, as well as frustration over her assumptions. (We parents had to explain to her that the students had no idea what she was asking them to do because we had not yet gotten to the point of knowing which finger position equalled which note). Although it was frustrating and hard, the boys stood their ground. The older kids had a much easier time. There's a big difference between 5 and 6 or 7! But this time, when Asa ran to me int he middle of class, he wasn't near tears and wanting to quit. He did so to ask me if we could please practice this at home!
Last night, we practiced Twinkle and the boys wanted to video tape it. It was almost bedtime, so they weren't as "on the ball" as normal, but I think watching the video will help them find areas where they can improve. Ms. Becca had jury duty this week, so we did not have a private lesson. As we sat at the dinner table last night, Asa looked up and told me that he really wanted to see Ms. Becca soon so he can show her what he has worked on. He made me call her right then to ask if we could meet the next day. Hopefully, we can. If not, we will on Tuesday.
At dinner, Asa also brought up the fact that not every student in group lessons has Ms. Becca for a private teacher. He said that some kids had Ms. Kristin, and some had Raphael... but according to Asa, he is very very glad that he has Ms. Becca. I don't know how far away she is from moving on from the Community Music School, but for our sake I hope we have some time!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
My neck, my back, my neck and my back
A couple weeks ago, I found myself having a back spasm the likes of none I have ever felt. It was my left erector muscle (those long ones on each side of your spine). While on the phone, I quickly was unable to talk or stand... and found myself crying on the living room floor. Jeff had to basically carry me to the tub, where I soaked myself and took Tylenol PM. The next morning, it had let up. However, I have had pain on that side ever since. I've been to my chiropractor a few times over the last 2 weeks to address the problem.
On Monday of this week, the boys and I were in Publix when it struck again. This time, I did not hit the floor, but the pain knocked the tears right out of me. I couldn't walk, I couldn't breathe, my back was completely locked up. The nice people at Publix helped get me, my kids, and our groceries to the car. I drove to the chiropractor's office, where the staff had to help me out of the car. I was sobbing. I'm not talking simple tears, I mean uncontrollable snotty sobs. I wanted someone to make it stop... and make it stop right then.
My chiropractor did some good, but I wasn't "fixed". He suggested that I see a massage therapist that he knows. I called that day and went on Wednesday. In the meantime, my OB prescribed Lortab when needed and I took half to get me through the night. Biofreeze has been a life saver and so have those heat pads that stick to your back. On Wednesday, I met with the massage therapist and we talked about what has been going on with me. I loved the fact that she was more of a "medical" masseuse than a froo-froo one. She worked my erector muscle and then found the culprit. Right where my shoulder blade stops I had a HUGE knot in my rhomboid muscle. The erector muscle overlaps the rhomboid right there, so it was triggering the spasm lower in my back. She worked on that spot and lo and behold, I felt great. She wasn't able to get it to completely release, but at least I know what the problem is, where it is, and maybe we can maintain this until I give birth.
Labor isn't scary to me compared to the thought of labor with a huge back spasm. Now, I am just tip-toeing around and babying my back to try to stay in good shape before this baby decides to arrive. Today, I can feel it starting to act up... so I am wearing a heat wrap and will soon hit the couch for movie time with the boys.
I will be 38 weeks tomorrow!
On Monday of this week, the boys and I were in Publix when it struck again. This time, I did not hit the floor, but the pain knocked the tears right out of me. I couldn't walk, I couldn't breathe, my back was completely locked up. The nice people at Publix helped get me, my kids, and our groceries to the car. I drove to the chiropractor's office, where the staff had to help me out of the car. I was sobbing. I'm not talking simple tears, I mean uncontrollable snotty sobs. I wanted someone to make it stop... and make it stop right then.
My chiropractor did some good, but I wasn't "fixed". He suggested that I see a massage therapist that he knows. I called that day and went on Wednesday. In the meantime, my OB prescribed Lortab when needed and I took half to get me through the night. Biofreeze has been a life saver and so have those heat pads that stick to your back. On Wednesday, I met with the massage therapist and we talked about what has been going on with me. I loved the fact that she was more of a "medical" masseuse than a froo-froo one. She worked my erector muscle and then found the culprit. Right where my shoulder blade stops I had a HUGE knot in my rhomboid muscle. The erector muscle overlaps the rhomboid right there, so it was triggering the spasm lower in my back. She worked on that spot and lo and behold, I felt great. She wasn't able to get it to completely release, but at least I know what the problem is, where it is, and maybe we can maintain this until I give birth.
Labor isn't scary to me compared to the thought of labor with a huge back spasm. Now, I am just tip-toeing around and babying my back to try to stay in good shape before this baby decides to arrive. Today, I can feel it starting to act up... so I am wearing a heat wrap and will soon hit the couch for movie time with the boys.
I will be 38 weeks tomorrow!
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