Mush.

Yes,I should be in bed.  But, I can justify not getting sleep right now by the simple reason that Olive has already waken up and needed assistance six times in the last two hours.  If I were asleep, I would be pulled from an interrupted dream, stumbling around the room, face-planting into the edge of the door as I try to escape and quell the sounds coming from the next room.  At least this way, I am able to jump in there and help the bugger find her paci without all the grogginess.  That child has a sleeping disorder... and it most definitely sucks to be me.  But, that's not at all what this post was supposed to be about.  No more complaining of sleep deprivation or descriptions of our baby's sleep defects in this post.

January of each year reminds people that they could have a clean slate.  People make resolutions that they actually think they can follow, and some do.  Some take a look at their life, their progress, their plans, their wallets, and see how it's all working out.  According to the "plan"?  For me, I always have the same vibe with the new year rolls around.  For the first few weeks of January, my mind wanders towards January 1998 the preceding fall when a seed was planted, rooted, and took hold on me.  I was at UGA, trying to find my place among a ragtag group of friends... some I'd known forever, one I just broke up with, some, well, most, I questioned the sanity of... it was a funny collection of characters in the F3 Menagerie.

I took notice of a guy who I recognized from back home. The guy with the cute smile, sort of Morrison-esque in a way, tight jeans, and the grey ARMY tee shirt.  Could it be?  Yes. He was the long haired pizza boy that worked at Primos back home.  The guy who was way too old (and bad) to date or hang out with (my mom would kill over such things), but the perfect age for my hyper little 14 year old self to use as an excuse to go to Primos.  I didn't actually want to talk to him... I knew that guy was nothing but trouble... but I did want to sit back and have a nice view of him as he worked back there.  And now, that pizza boy was sitting here in the same herd of people who were, for one reason or another, tethered to F3, but this time, he looked like he'd managed to grow past the bad-boy thing... just enough.

The fall of 1997 was pretty fun... I guess it put the fun in dysfunctional for me, as I was a little lost and had absolutely no interest in finding myself in a relationship at the time.  However, there was a party here or a cookout there... and anytime Jeff would swagger into a function my attention focused, uncontrollably, on him.  Through the fall, my interest in this cleaned up version of the bad boy I drooled over long ago grew and grew.  By Christmas, I had a conversation with another F3 frequenter, discussing just how weird would it be if I tried to hook up with Jeff.  Adam's response was, "Not weird at all.  Go for it.", which made me smile and panic all at once.  I mean, I didn't even know if he liked me... but if he did...

January brought us all back to classes and apartments and our psuedo reality. Jeff started spending more time around the apartment... and not the F3 hub, but my actually apartment.  He tried to "work on" my computer (a computer that ended up never working right and we ditched it the first year we were married).  He installed Instant Messenger, so that he could slyly chat with me (while being able to proofread and filter out any stupid comments before sending.  If only such a filter could have been permanently in place.)

We went a few places, but I always wondered if it was a "date".  By mid-January, there was no more denying it.  One kiss can change your perspective, your concerns, your plans... your life.  Leaning against his chest with his arms holding me tight I actually knew that this would be my home.  It felt just like we had been close our entire lives but had been zapped by that memory eraser from Men In Black.  It was was like something "all came back" that hadn't even happened yet.  At least, for me.

In 8 months, he had sold his Gibson SG to buy a ring, we were engaged, and in 8 more months we were married.  But, it all began as we said goodbye to 1997 and hello to '98.... and so I will forever come to a new year and think of how blessed and lucky I am to have found such a fabulous husband and daddy... and how lucky I am to still be just as head over heels madly in love.