Sunday, October 12, 2014

Momma Drama


Moving away from the doctors you know and that know you is so hard.  In trying to explain how certain procedures usually go for me (namely HSGs, sonohystograms, endometrial biopsies, really anything in that realm), I was not taken seriously.  Monday's "easy in office procedure" was anything but.  My body did not respond as expected to the meds given the night before to dilate me, leading to an unbearable amount of pain that day.  I'm talking, legs uncontrollably shaking, panic-mode, survival type pain.  

The kicker was not just that my concerns were not listened to during the pre-op consult, but that I was told (during the procedure) that my "glass half empty attitude" and my "pessimistic thoughts" was making it go the way it did.  That, and the fact that I had a tilted uterus, which a quick ultrasound could have shown before that moment.

I have been through more of these type procedures than I care to remember... and I have some PTSD from the Vegal reactions, insane pain, off the chart cramping, etc that I have had previously.  People's bodies are different.  People are wired differently.  They are not all round pegs fitting snugly into round treatment holes.  Heck, if things were normal for me, I wouldn't have had to spend enough to buy a modest home to bring my babies into the world, and wouldn't have had to spend months and months in hospital bed rest.  

But, even through the pain, the procedure seemed to go well in the end.  That is, until the meds wore off and I realized that I had developed an allergy to the cleaner (iodine? Betadine?) that they used... and have chemical burns. Totally not anyone's fault.... We just didn't know.  But, now I am on pain meds and lidocaine to get through the pain.  Chemical burns.  As bad as it sounds.  Unreal.  

I see the doctor tomorrow, and I just hope I can calmly explain my concerns over bedside manner.  I am not angry, and I know they have to deal with all sorts of people with all sorts of craziness, but I knew what I was talking about, and I am educated.  I fully explained my body's reaction to that type of procedure, and it was not only blown off beforehand, but then was told it was all in my head.  Wow.  If it WAS possible for stress to cause that much pain, the person holding the MEDS should be the one to fix that... not the one on the table.  

I have doctors who have been through things with me, who know that things are seldom routine for me, who cared for my preemies, who helped us through those rough "unexplained recurrent stridor" years, who have threatened to write things experienced with me in medical journals, and who have said, "If you ever get pregnant again, I am leaving the country!" with a smile.  I just don't have them here.  

I am done with all of this.  From now on, it is either bad enough for me to be put under in the hospital... or it does not need to be done.